A Curious Girl: Frank makes her premiere on the Quaternacentenary

It's my four hundredth (400th) entry today!! :D

Yes! there are now four hundred ramblings, witterings, musings, ponderings, babblings, rantings, mutterings, wibblings and general scribblings that have been graced to Diaryland by the entity known as sweet-indigo.

And what better way to celebrate (or maybe commiserate :) )...

... than with a picture of Frank?

It's been a pretty good day. Incidentally, I meant to say yesterday but didn't... been trying to stay more focused on God, but with my whole confusion over the homosexuality issue, and general lack of activity besides work led to me being to frustrated to do all that praising stuff you're meant to do... so instead I talked to him about how mixed up I felt and a mild jealousy issue that's been plaguing me occasionally.

All right, I'll confess... James had a really awesome experience of God over Christmas and my Christmas, however, was like this, not feeling close to God at all. Deep down... I know this sounds nasty... but I couldn't see why James, who has the power to irritate me beyond belief, deserved anything like that when I'd prayed for a good Christmas and got... a normal one.

So this all came out when I was talking to God, expressing even my doubts in him (phew...).

And I felt much better :) As for James, I figured that I don't know his circumstance - or even if I would have coped with a similar experience. I can't say what's in store... and I certainly can't judge if James deserved it or not...

Anyways... on Saturday I was thinking about all this and I read a psalm (Ian, feel free to post another religion entry :) ) which touched me...

I cried to God for help;
I cried to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit enquired:

"Will the Lord reject me forever?
Will he never show his favour again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

It touched me because it started out with lamenting - and it's okay to say these things to God, he doesn't mind :) But the psalmist (psalm 77, btw) then reminded himself of the great things God had done, even when it looked like all was lost. It reminded me to do the same when I feel lost or distant, to remember what God has done for me :)

Church today was pretty good... Bernie, leading the worship/Communion etc., decided to go Anglican on us (!) and asked us to 'give the peace' (ie. greet the people around us) before Communion. It was great. I don't know if Anglican churches do this, but I went all around the church, as did some other people :D I doubt I got everyone, but I did get some people I don't usually talk to. It was lovely to be able to go around and take joy in everyone there because they're made in the image of God. It's funny too, that shaking hands thing. Young people don't tend to shake hands, I get the feeling that the handshakes between myself and my fellow yoof ;) were affectionately ironic (ie. we were slightly making fun of ourselves) although it being accompanied by me saying, 'It is so terrible good to see you' in an upper-class accent probably only accentuated that. I gave genuine handshakes to some other people, one woman I'd never spoken to before actually introduced herself. Joan of Afterchurch hugged me, and when I bounced over to Hazel, saying, 'The Lord be with you!' (she encouraged us to say this to one another on camp once...) she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I love fellowship :) I remember at Eden, the guy leading the worship to us to look at each other during one song, to remind ourselves that we're all doing this together. You'd be amazed at the amount of people who avoided eye-contact... although maybe my smile scared them away :)

Anyway, peeps, that's number 400 over. Go home after your last taught lesson and don't be noisily festive...

Random word for today:

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