A Curious Girl: A mega PMS venting session

*sigh*. Us D of E -ers are meant to be meeting up at Abigail's tonight to meet the Childline person, as we are fundraising for Childline for our Gold D of E. Except for me, that is, who didn't get my Gold book on time, which is naturally all my fault. School Baker Day - yesterday it was busy pressing its suit and polishing its buttons for the open days, thus it does not want to ruin the effect by making it apparant that students go there. I was going to go around Grandad's, but although he was around here doing electrical things, he left without asking me if I wanted to come (or indeed, telling me he was leaving), and I didn't know what to do. I feel lousy. As much as it would be the responsible thing to go get a bus, I really can't face it. I hate them damn buses and to be honest I'm not too desperate to go. I'm sure the Childine person will be interesting but I am feeling crappy tonight. To add to this, Mum has just phoned and yelled at me, which is nasty considering she was on her coach home so everyone probably heard this indignity. Probably some of this was trying to make herself heard (I could hear perfectly clearly) but partly she was annoyed with me because I didn't put enough info on the text message. Yeah, this was my fault. OK, so it was me being brief - I'd mistakenly thought she would know what I was talking about, but as she pointed out, she didn't. Fair enough. I've called Valerie (Abigail's Mum) but she wasn't in, so if I can't get a lift I'm not going. I don't really want to go, anyway. I haven't had any dinner and I'm feeling moody and PMS-y.

Plus, I feel miles away from the other girls. Naturally Chris is my best friend and I'm friends with the Brigaders too (I am not longer technically a brigader) but with the others I just feel a little left out. They are nice girls, don't get me wrong, but I've never felt right and cosy with them. I just feel like a messy heap besides them and their exciting, organised lives. On top of that I live so far away from Church and my parents aren't churchgoers which makes it hard to do anything, especially as Clive works in the evenings and Mum gets in at seven, by which time she understandably doesn't feel like doing anything. And I'm skint! Thus explaining why I feel so far behind, so far away, and so damn isolated. I haven't done the swimming I ought to do, I haven't done my expedition, I'm not on good friends terms with the other girls, I live far away, I feel isolated, depressed, and discouraged about the whole thing. Duck asked if I'd like to come out with him, Ricci, Mark, Helen and Siobhan tonight. Wish I'd said yes. Instead I am waiting for Valerie to call. Sorry I'm sounding so bitter. I keep crying for no apparent reason - period is so definitely due!

Oh well. I'm going now.

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