A Curious Girl: Anti-climax

I had a feeling I'd get a sense of letdown.

I'll tell you about the last day of the Noise week when I'm feeling a little better to tell it. For now, well...

Yesterday I really wanted to go to the barbecue and service to end the week off, and see the people I'd met for the last time. I was kinda disappointed about missing the kid's disco, and feeling low that I'd got in and no-one seemed to care about all the awesome stuff God had done. It's something my parents just don't want to hear. Maybe I should have told them anyway. Anyhow, I tried to rearrange my driving lesson with Phil, but it turned out he couldn't even drop me off at the barbecue after my lesson without cutting it short. That left me with a problem - I'd explained to Clive that I wanted to go but he seemed to think it was ridiculous that I should want to go after spending the whole week (minus Thursday!) there. Besides, as Mum pointed out, the delivery was coming from Tesco's at around the time I'd need picking up. I tried calling Esther - she said she could get me a lift home, but not there. Fair enough - she'd been giving me lifts all week! I didn't want her to feel obliged but reckoned that if she could she'd be happy enough to give me a lift that time. She's that kind of person. Asked Mum for a lift there - she said her car was blocked in and she didn't know where it was. Asked Clive - a straight out 'no' and the pronouncement of 'I've got things I want to do, I'm going to be selfish.'

What can you say to that? Thought about asking Stephen but already felt too depressed and discouraged. I didn't even get to give my last regards to the people I'd met. It was a complete anti-climax. I went and read The Redemption of Althalus during what would have been the service. Sometimes reading's an anaesthetic to get me through what was the worst of the pain.

I know it's my fault that I didn't organise it earlier. What hurts more is that my parents just don't seem to care about what God's been doing - that I've been privileged to do God's work. It's like I've been out to clean the world, then come back to discover that my family would like me to leave their dirt just where they left it.

Random word for today:

<< last entry ... next entry >>
top of page

Give food for free.