A Curious Girl: Something's got to change

Greetings one and all!

I'm on holiday currently... which appears to mean getting up stupidly late...

I've been ill - I spent Thursday last week in bed, then Friday I crawled out to go to the Good Friday Service (which went well) and to Sara's. Had a nice time with Sara, got to meet her boyfriend/fiance Bryan and generally enjoyed myself :)

On Saturday, I had work... before that I helped Mum take rubbish to the tip and found a bag full of books someone had just abandoned! So I grabbed the copy of Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason... most useful. Work was ok, I was too unhealthy to even hate it with my usual energy... weird but true... and like I've already said, I get on well with the people there, so it was bearable :)

Easter was nice - church, and then Nicky, Jonathan, my Aunt and Uncle and my little cousins, and my Grandma and Grandad came over... Still wasn't feeling particularly energetic, but we had a nice time. As usual, it was frustrating to spend a Christian festival with people who couldn't appear to care less, but *sigh* you can't have everything I suppose.

So it's now April (so soon? I'm still on the second chapter and I haven't done anything awesome that Jesus would do) and I feel... I don't know. I've written my final decision letter for UCAS and sealed it, I just need to get a stamp - the Post Office was closed. It's changed a little from my original decision, but not much in the grades I need to get.

Usually during holidays I feel a bit stagnated and a bit lonely - I don't feel lonely as I'm going to go see Nicky next Tuesday (yay!) and I've got lots of lovely friends I could meet up with, but I do feel rather stagnated. And rather sure this isn't what God wants... this rather mundane life not doing much. But I need a change in perspective rather than in aim, I think. I've been having a pretty rubbish attitude lately... ever since the low exam results I've been feeling generally discouraged about my future and not trusting him about it. And I'm fed up of us sitting around talking about deeply spiritual issues and then not feeling like we've done anything about it.

So what do I want to know? I want to know what I'm doing here. I want to know what I'm giving people.

I want to know what to do... Because I confess, I often feel like I'm adlibbing in my spiritual life... what would Jesus do? To be honest, I don't often know.

It's weird, I had a personal revelation talking to Ricci the other night. We were talking about something quite painful that happened last year... I found out some things I hadn't known, told Ricci some things he said he already knew... I'm sorry I have to be so vague about this. I'm not sure where it leaves us. Probably where we already were... I'm not sure whether I'm pleased or disappointed.

And what I think I need is a personal revolution... maybe a spiritual makeover :)

Random word for today:

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