A Curious Girl: Theories on the mystery of love

I have a theory about mental maps.

Imagine you are a prosperous chieftain, looking to extend your lands and get an empire and make a name for yourself. You have a map open in front of you, showing the everything within your reach; all the countries in their various continents.

Currently, in your lands, people come and go around the borders pretty much as they please, and you rarely forcibly exile someone or refuse asylum. There is little border control, because this is your land, and your people can be trusted, so they can live life how they like.

Soon you set out, leaving your home continent where the lands are either your own or those of your close allies, to other continents. Many of the countries have excellent resources and you establish trade; some become part of your empire. Mostly you ally yourself with everyone in that continent; rarely some countries are hostile. Some countries are not your type of place, and you could either take them anyway, in order to extend your authority, or simply leave them as the weather is bad and the food brings you out in a rash.

After a bit, you become an emperor (or empress, if you want - I prefer emperor as a unisex term) and now your map is colour-coded red for all the places you have conquered. Wonderful. But now you need somewhere special; a capital, the crowning glory of your empire. Then you find that place. It’s the most fabulous place you could imagine - the people are friendly, helpful, intelligent and understanding of the pressures of leadership. They won’t chuck a leader out for making one bad decision. The streets are clean, the landscape is glorious. The weather is just the way you enjoy it - it almost seems to know your temperament. Everything is great. So you take a holiday there, check the place out, and then make periodical trips in order to arrange your leadership. The people like you. They have no current leader, it seems, so there’s a space right there for you. You make plans. You colour it in on your map. You will become leader and eventually declare it the capital.

Then, somehow, the people find out before you’ve had a chance to tell them. They say they like you, but you can only have a visa for your holiday two weeks a year. Despite being leader-less, they are brilliant fighters and you know it would be ridiculous to try to take that place by force. You go home without your capital, and soon enough your passport expires and you forget how wonderful it was.

Then someone offers you a free trip there, with a new passport and visa. You find yourself going, and suddenly it all comes flooding back. This was to be the capital of your empire. It is a perfect place. Maybe you can get it if you wait patiently enough. You’re pretty certain they still have no leader.

But in the meantime, other emperors are coming in. They go to there too, and although you’re certain that the weather doesn’t fit their temperament, and the landscape isn’t to their taste, you worry. The people seem to like them, and they have more authority than you. They also have visas for a longer period. You want to get your army out and fight, but you know the UN will be on to you, and besides your army couldn’t never fight theirs.

And so, the ruling of that place by someone else looks imminent.

But on your map, it’s still coloured red.

This is my theory about people. We start life with just our family, and usually we can put up with anyone else that happens to come into the equation, although divorced mother’s boyfriend or baby sibling might be alienated. Later we pick our friends and gain admirers, and sometimes our friendly approaches are shunned, and sometimes we shun friendly approaches. We might allow someone else in for the sake of saving face however. Then comes that time when we pick a partner, someone we can love in so many ways. Not everyone does this, but for many people it can be the most important. Of course, if friends are in trouble we will put this dream on hold, and so on, but basically our plan for the peace times is to find our soul mate and eventual sex partner. Of course, this doesn’t happen immediately, but of course the most suitable candidate is going to be the object of your attention. The one that can tolerate your bad points, admire your good points, and someone whose bad points you can tolerate and good points you can admire. You can always try being in their company for a bit before making it permanent. But sometimes you find the perfect candidate and they tell you that they’re happy as friends just seeing each other occasionally. And it’s hard to let go when you’ve nothing else to hold on to. And people who seem so much better than you, at least superficially, are becoming more important in that person’s life, and yet they are taking away the person who was the closest thing to /your/ soul mate. And you think, why would that person want me anyway?

This is my theory about David. We are as close as two people fighting with pillows. We are as different as male and female. We have as much chance of a relationship as a boy and girl of a similar age, in the same school, in the same club. We have as much chance as the well-known and liked head boy and the idle confused dreamer in the year below.

This is my theory about life: it sucks.

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