A Curious Girl: Playing the game

I can do frames!!! Check out my story site - http://www.thegeekhost.com/helenne to see my current efforts! It's not very flash but it's functional, just the way I like it!

OK, exclamation over. I overheard a conversation on the bus today - a Christian woman who was saying that it's wrong for women to wear trousers (pants), as they are men's clothes. This got me thinking. I do not agree with this - but as usual, I couldn't be content with not agreeing. I had to work out why. Firstly, trousers are not just men's clothes. They aren't perceived as men's clothes - they're usually gender-neutral. You could say the same of socks or shoes - men wear them, therefore women shouldn't. Men are educated, therefore women shouldn't be. You can see where I'm leading - madness. Women don't wear trousers to be male, they wear them because they're comfortable and practicle, unlike your average skirt which may encourage lust (!!)... and so let's ban skirts too. Why don't women dress like nuns? Much easier. Back to the point...

After I justified my own wearing of trousers (aside from the fact that I only own two good skirts and they are not exactly practicle), I wondered, what is the difference between men and women? In their heads? I'm not exactly effeminate most of the time. Actually, when I think about it, Abi and I have very similar views when it comes to that kind of thing. The odd thing is, although I behave in a more stereotypically male way most of the time - ie. no make-up, jeans and t-shirt, tease rather than flirt, attempt to be assertive, care little about what I eat except for how it tastes, don't make much attempt to preserve my dignity when having fun, and a bit of a competitive spirit. Oh yes, and I'm not particularly squeamish. And I can cope with pretty pink, but give me cute pink and I'm out of here. I don't really do 'Aaaah' things, unless they're babies. Where was I? The odd thing is that nearly all my close friends are girls. This probably explains why they all claim to get on better with boys. I can be girly, don't let me fool you, but I generally don't bother.

Anyway, my strange lack of skill when it comes to communicating with the opposite sex was getting at me today. I wasn't expressing it to Christina very well - she was giving me tips on getting a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. I'd just like some male friends - or what do I want? I feel uncomfortable in 'the Dating Game'. It's not because I don't know how to play. I've seen some excellent demonstrations. If I wanted a boyfriend, I'd have gone and got one already, because I know how to do it. I see it practically every day. I was - am - kind of mixed up about it. It's uncomfortable because I have learned from an early age that appearances mean very little. The thing is, people think they mean very much, so therefore, they do, even though they don't. 'It's only shallow people who don't judge by appearances' - Oscar Wilde. But everything's appearances - I want to get to know boys properly as well as girls, but it's difficult when I get the feeling that everyone else is playing the game - and as with every game I don't like, sitting and watching makes me feel like a misfit, even if it is better than playing. When I desire a bit of philia, everyone else seems to be out for eros - and as I've noticed in a lot of boys I know, it seems they believe that one goes in the other unless they're already going out with/fancy someone. And I find it kind of stressful to be in a situation where attraction seems to rule. I've got nothing against looking good, but how do you be an active participant in an activity where a boy is intent on angling for the affection of another girl.

Along with that, I'm tired of the view people take of girls like me. Yeah, sure, sometimes we aren't as pretty 'cause we don't wear make-up and we forget to shave our legs. Maybe we don't always look well composed, maybe we won't flatter you, and maybe we want our own way. Maybe we aren't as skinny because we're happy with our figure, but the point is, we're still girls. I'm a girl - I have breasts, female intuition, oestrogen, and a uterus. I want to be a mother one day, and I love babies (So do plenty of men). But this is who I am - my appearance says very little. If I'm tomboyish (hate that word!), it's who I am. Is there nothing in my personality that attracts you? And why do girls have to make such an effort over appearance anyway? I'm happy to look pretty but it's not going to last forever. I'm not going to change my personality for the sake of being an old married couple long before I can even get married.

And I realised something else today - I've had crushes and then I've had crushes. In some cases, it was pure 'he's so gorgeous' *simpering sigh* type crushes. But then, in some cases, it's been their personality that drew me in. With David, I found that I started to really like the way he looked - 'classical conditioning', as I pointed out to Abi, because I associated his face with his personality. He was always such a genuinely nice person. Just wish we could have been better friends. Sure, maybe there would have been an element of eros in it. But how do you say 'I want to be good friends'? Not 'just good friends', but 'I want to spend time with you more, but not go out with you.' Doesn't have a very good ring to it.

And if you're still here, thank you for reading this rant. I like couples who are mature about it, and primarily, like each other, rather than having a kind of extended sexual attraction. Being a couple doesn't annoy me. It's just some of the efforts to get to that supposedly blissful state that really annoy me. Stop being a shop dummy and start being a person...

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