A Curious Girl: Detling again!

Grr, just got into an annoying argument... Hate it when I know I'm right :-) I met lots of Americans last week, mainly from Pastor Kyle Horner's church in New Jersey. They were all cool people. They were nice people, not because they're 'religious' and have to be nice, but because they're good people and love God. Kyle Horner was a pretty cool guy, very loud, and when he took the microphone away, I could still hear him crystal clear! The youth group he brought over with him put on dramas - they were seriously excellent considering they were really just an ordinary youth group. There was also John and Debbie Philips, the aunt and uncle of Rachel Joy Scott who was killed in the Columbine massacre. Their talk was brilliant - very simple, very straightforward, with a bit of video, and a little music they performed themselves. Being from Nashville, it was Country, but good Country, it reminded me a little of Shania Twain :-) I'm so completely ignorant about music!! But they were great - very gentle and sincere; they talked about John Philips' life, about Rachel, about the aftermath of the massacre - one of the most touching things was how they said they had to forgive the killers - it was so very moving. I was completely awestruck. There were so many other good things - for instance, our school now has an e-mail prayer group!! Great things are going to happen in my school next year. I'm totally jealous that I only have one year left!! James has two! But it's been great - God has been calling each one of us and teaching us what we're going to need to know in the next year. One of the guys at my school became a Christian! I'm so happy about this; we watched him change from a rather grumpy and reserved person to someone who could share our love for Jesus. The change in him has been great, and I'm praying for him so that Satan doesn't attack him - I should think that 'him below' (I used to call God 'him upstairs'!) is mightily annoyed at the change! My, I'm sounding a bit mystical today. But don't let me scare you :-) I promise you, I'm quite normal, I just follow God...

I'm still feeling a bit ill today, so I'm taking it easy. I wasn't able to go on the expedition, which is a shame, but I'm praying for the girls who are, and I'm sure I'll be able to rearrange. I know it won't be with people I know if I do, but well, I know God has a reason...

Reading Alice's diary lately has been good - God's healing her!! He's got great stuff planned.

I posted my testimony of what went on during Detling to the prayer group yesterday, but I thought I'd share it here. It's kinda long, sorry, but I know you're used to that.

Well what do I say after James's testimony? Wow!

Before Detling, I wrote a prayer in my prayer book.

"Dear Father,

Detling's nearly here.

General - I pray for the leaders so they will not get too stressed. I pray for you to work powerfully through them.

Please bring me closer to my calling this week and assure me of life in you. Please help me to get a job and also work on that late essay I really must do! And coursework!

(Yeah, I admit, the job and essay stuff is kinda my fault - I have an interview at Gala Bingo on Monday - Please pray that it goes how God wants it to!)

I pray that this will not be an event to worship music but to worship you.

I ask that you bless us all through this week and we can feel we have spent a lovely week with you.

I pray that we will not feel weak and vulnerable afterwards but strong in you.

Please send your peace onto each one of us. Lord, I love you.

I don’t want to feel like I’m just doing ‘cool stuff’

I want to learn more about you.

Discipline me Lord. Make me stronger for you.

Amen

(for some reason I left a gap here, and then wrote)

Please make me more certain.

Open my ears to you.

I believe that everything I wrote in this prayer is either already fulfilled or in the process of fulfilment. My calling – it was about destiny! It became clearer in my mind that once I’ve done my teacher training I want to work in Africa – places like Ethiopia and Sudan where children practically have to fight to get an education. The dream became clearer in my mind – I always wanted to be a missionary ever since I heard what one was, and then I really wanted to be a teacher – I now have the confidence to dream that I can be both. I’m not sure how it’s going to happen yet, but God’s working through my life and he’s taking it the way he wants it to go. He’s giving me a wonderful passion – for instance, I remembered something I’d watched in geography a couple of years back – children who didn’t have money for education that year were basically sent away; hearing about giving children an education through gifts of money, work of charity etc has always encouraged me to give, and it’s an honour that I can be part of that education. Having a Dad who is a teacher (he’s now a private tutor) and discourages us to become teachers made me rather repress the desire, but I now realise that although it will have its hard times, God will bless me so much whilst I’m following him in this calling. Plus, I can get advice about the bad stuff from my Dad :-)

I didn’t worship music at this event – in fact, I felt completely at peace with God during some of the worship. I’ll explain what was happening during the other times in a minute.

I spent a lovely week with God, and it rocked :-)

Ironically, I still feel ill – I am physically weak and vulnerable, but inside of me I have a confidence of God’s plan for me. I am comforted by his presence and I know that my current illness is part of his plan! After people prayed for me on Wednesday night, although I didn’t feel any better physically, when I told people of how it made me feel mentally and spiritually, I was reassured enough to spend the night in the tent which I hadn’t been able to face the night before. I’m missing my expedition – I’m sad that I am as I need to do it for my Silver Duke of Edinburgh’s Award – but I know that God is telling me to trust in him and rest in his presence. Another interesting point is that I have worried that whilst I’m feeling healthy and the weather is good it’s easy to praise God, and that’s why I do it – but he’s reassured me that he’s close by even when I’m sick.

I can’t say what has happened about God sending his peace, but feel sure that he’s giving it to all of us who are seeking him.

Do you know how much ‘cool stuff’ I missed? I only made one gig!! That was Cameron Dante, and usually I hate trance. Weird, huh? But I don’t mind. It’s becoming a cliché now, but I can always ask those people to play for me in Heaven, where you can bet your life there’ll be the best worship music ever!

After John and Debbie Phillips (sp?) spoke, I was incredibly moved by their niece’s dedication to God and the way she spread it to everyone she met. So Sarah (a local youth leader) prayed for me, and I received a bit of a self-revelation that I’d been really concerned about the future and what I was to do then that I hadn’t realised how much God is calling me to serve my friends. After the first time we prayed, Sarah told me that there were some things I personally needed to get from God, not just for others, although that is a good thing.

Then I prayed again, and told Sarah some of the feeling I was getting, and then she offered to pray for me again, and I’m thinking, ‘Wow, she really doesn’t need to do this!!’

The third time I prayed I got the feeling that I’d be able to speak in tongues (I’d been praying a little about it for awhile), and then Sarah had another picture that described rather poetically about how I felt about it! And then I realised that I could, and did so. It’s an amazing gift. I realised, lying on the ground (my back ached!!) that God had everything in hand – and that he loved me so much, just as he loves all of us. I’d been worried about disappointing him constantly by not being a light to my friends. (I’ll confess now that one time last summer I actually went out and willingly got drunk with them one day in Rochester! And Matt Hay was right, it’s nothing compared to being in the presence of God.) But God showed me it wasn’t just a grudging love, he was taking full joy in me as his creation! I’ve created little things like stories, poems and web pages, and I know the satisfaction I get from that – well, he loves me more than a mother could – he’s my Heavenly Mother!! :-) (I never had a father until the age of about 13, when we moved in with Clive. He became my father by law on Sep 8th, 1999) And he gave me a picture – first one I’ve ever had, but it was clearly visual, and I didn’t have time to think it up, it was clearly in my head, so I knew it was from God – I always think my ideas through in words before they become visual, and that’s slowly. It was me, standing at a well – I was filling a pot – and I realised that I have to receive ‘water’ from God what I pass on to others. And that my ‘quiet times’ (stupid term!) weren’t just my payment to God in return for blessings, they’re the time during which God will bless me!! Of course, he does that at other times, but lying there on the floor I felt the awesome power of his Holy Spirit working through me. And I realised that his timing is best – I wanted to tell Sarah all that he was telling me, but he was saying, ‘Wait, before you encourage her, enjoy some time with me.’ And I knew that we weren’t given non-Christians as solely our responsibility, God is preparing them for the work that he’ll do through us. Jesus spent time alone in prayer, he didn’t constantly go out and heal and preach!

I even tested that the experience was from God, and not the Devil (!), as I’d heard so many things claiming that such experiences were not holy. I tested that I could stop just being with him when I wanted to by pausing in what I was saying, I said ‘Jesus is Lord’ for a bit, and it was music to my ears! We can only say Jesus is Lord by the Holy Spirit, Paul said that, and although I know that it wasn’t exactly soul winning (because I don’t think Paul meant it as the magic words that only Christians can say!), it was as true as could be.

That night I had the worst night there – weird, isn’t it? I felt attacked spiritually and physically, and yet the next morning when I went out to buy breakfast, Anne Newnham offered to buy me a good meal at Little Chef! And I knew that God was looking after me. I tried to ignore the attacks I was getting that day, convincing myself that I’d just bother other people, when all the time I felt I was hearing a voice saying, ‘If you were a Christian, you’d just be able to tell Satan where to stick it’ – because I knew all the attacks were lies - ‘God doesn’t exist, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t love you…’ But I didn’t quite understand that that voice was saying the worst lie of all, the one that was stopping me from getting prayer. During that night’s end worship, I cried and went up for prayer.

Afterwards I went with Lara, who I’d prayed for the previous night. Probably the first time I’ve ever prayed over someone of my own iniative! But I began to feel certain of God speaking to me. And when I’d prayed over her, the prayer came naturally and sounded to me rather unlike the prayers I’d heard at church, which I’ve often imitated in style. No, I wasn’t just ‘praying’, I was talking to God, and he helped me say exactly what I needed to. That night, the night after I had prayed over her, Lara let out so many things that had happened to her and hurt her that I’d never heard before to Bill Clark (our Youth leader) and I. And all the time I felt that God was pouring his wisdom into me so that I knew what to say to her – in fact, I was practically bursting with things to say! We prayed for her again, and she’s started to have a real dedication and yearning for God. It’s so cool! And I’m really privileged that God worked through me in that way. Plus, he answered my prayers.

The next day Martin (in our Church Youth Group) was asking everyone ‘Why are you here?’ and I understood clearly something that I’ve been gradually learning – I am a child of God, and I need no other reason to exist than the fact that he takes joy in me. I had to tell everyone!! I know it’ll be harder at school, but I feel assured that he adores me no matter what, so even if I muck up, he’ll be there. And it’s wonderful that he’s using my chattery nature to be chattery for him!! It’s a fabulous privilege to have in him. And on the last day, I clearly discovered my dream of teaching in Africa. It’ll happen one day.

(Yes, it really was that long!!) I got Lara's phone number - she's a really lovely girl, just I never knew! God revealed that I don't have to just make friends with people in far away churches, I have friends I never knew at my own Church. Funny really, we have different kind of interests, different backgrounds etc, but we're still friends. And that's great - 'cause having friends is goooood.

Random word for today:

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