A Curious Girl: Becoming a diamond

Must stop this excessive diary writing!!!

Phoned Abi. Was a bit worried about her - can't tell you why. She was drinking wine and eating bread, and told me that this wasn't something you were meant to do. I told her that Jesus would disagree and she burst out laughing :-) Anyway, she was glad I called, which was cool as I was getting the feeling that it was what God wanted me to do.

Anyway, still confused. Still funny feelings. But I've been thinking - if I do what is right, act with utmost love, God will honour that. I don't have to fear mistakes because mistakes are not sinful, and I don't have to fear the bad parts of me because they died on the cross. Do you see what I mean?

I've been worried because I haven't really been feeling happy or myself lately, but I know that evil is not a personality trait and so God isn't out to change my personality. He designed it. But he wants me to use it for good, and when we do good we can be happy. We don't need material things to make us happy, we can be happy in ourselves and the life given to us.

This makes me feel better. It's rather unsurprising that The Spark's personality test has called me a concrete thinker and an abstract feeler. I have one very sensible side and one rather wishy washy side, but I'm a whole person and I can be content and united inside. I don't feel like that at the moment, but I'm temperamental :-) God's will is for the best, and I don't have to feel guilty for what I am, just the bad that I do.

As Maya Angelou once said, coal with enough time and enough pressure can become diamond. It's still carbon but it's harder and more valuable. She said that with enough time and pressure, we too can become diamonds.

And I intend to...

Random word for today:

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