A Curious Girl: "Therefore, do not worry..."

Arrrgh! *expletive*!

I've lost my notes!!!! I think I left them in a bar and someone must have picked them up. Hopefully it was someone I knew who recognised it and decided to return it to me. Unhopefully it was a cleaner who decided that pages of scribble can't be of use to anybody and threw it away. Later I'm going to the bar to see whether they handed it in there - the porters certainly don't have them.

I really really hope I'm actually mistaken and I left them at home somewhere. But I can't remember needing my notepad on Saturday. Or my pencil case. Dammit.

I am a worrisome person at the moment. I read something about infertility online and realised that I really need to see someone of the medical persuasion as regards my extraordinarily irregular periods. I was so upset - the thought of not being about to have children is really very scary. Also it's kind of strange how I took it for granted that I'll be all right because my family seems to be quite fertile. Neglected to think I left half of my biological family out.

*Sigh*. To top it all, I've just read a book which will be sure to keep me feeling nice and guilty for the next few days. It was written by a guy who described Isaiah 6 (where Isaiah encounters the glory of the Lord) as Isaiah losing all his self-esteem, and this is apparently a good thing. Losing pride is a good thing. Sometimes I am a proud person, and I know that this is just annoying and not helpful. But do I have to apologise for my self-esteem? Would God really rather I was a paranoid wreck because I've certainly been one and I can't recall being a better servant of God then. He seemed to paint a picture of God as this great tyrant who made himself big and us small so that he could look good. My God isn't like that.

Perhaps he meant that Isaiah got his self-esteem from the wrong source. That would make sense, I guess. He didn't really expand on it, though.

Thanks to the nice people who wished me a Happy Birthday! David, sorry I didn't respond to your text - couldn't remember if I had or not! Will e-mail.

Random word for today: innocuous

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