A Curious Girl: An Easter stress-out

It's Easter!

And I'm full of mixed feelings. Don't think I've said anything right all weekend! Frustrating. I'd swear my mouth works faster than my brain does.

Service tonight was cool.

I want the barriers broken down... Where am I holding back? What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing right?

I guess this is part of Friday's strange feelings. I feel like I'm getting everything all at once. I've got to be myself, deny myself, love, trust, tolerate, rebuke, give, receive, be weak, be strong. It's all messed up! But I have a feeling that only one person knows what I ought to be doing.

I found loads and loads and loads and loads of sites basically trying to make Jesus into a joke, and this is depressing. What was encouraging was the various Christian guestbook signers on those sites who told it like it is. Thank you Lord for those peeps.

I feel like I'm never saying what I want to say. Frustrating!!! I want to be a teacher, and I think this is what God wants, but my parents basically think that it's best to have other options all the time - do my degree and then do a teaching course. I know this is good advice but I don't know if it's the right advice, if you see what I mean.

This is so frustrating!! (Three times in one entry, that's bad) I feel like I ought to be going somewhere, but at the moment, I'm moving at snail's pace.

I love God, and I need a revelation. I know one's on its way but as Phil said yesterday, "You're impatient, just like a woman."

His pretend sexism makes me laugh.

Yeah, I ought to be more patient. I don't think God would abandon me with a task as minor as sorting my career out when he's already gone to the trouble of becoming a man just so he could die for me. I shouldn't worry! I'm just an over-stressed person, mostly self-inflicted.

Yes, of course! Revelations always come. I know they do, because they have come in the past and I have understood what I didn't understand. Like that thing with the speck in your brother's eyes, and the eyes are the light to the body - this entry.

I'm not being very coherent am I?

OK, to be clearer!

I'm a mixed-up person, not one of those mega spiritual Christians who know the answer to almost everything and are completely calm with problems, who pray until they are resolved. I just get stressed, pray, whinge, cry, get into a mess about whom I should tell about it and who can help me, and it's not a pretty sight. I'll pray for this to change!! I trust in God but I'm an unnecessary worrier. I want to follow God, but I'm not at all perfect. It's lucky he doesn't need me to be perfect, just look at Peter. (Poor old Peter, he's become the symbolism of the pathetic Christian over the years. In Acts, however, he's quite amazing.) I believe God has a path set out for me, but I'm not sure how to follow it, although I feel that he's got a map and a guidebook prepared and I should not worry. As long as I trust, I know that he'll deliver, that he's basically the perfect boss and he wants his work done, so he won't leave me floundering until I get it.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:34

Ooh, that was therapeutic.

Hope you're all having a great Easter!

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