A Curious Girl: Giving up is hard to do

Happy Eastertide everyone - it seems like it's been so long, mainly because it has been so long.

So it's been an interesting... er, 51 days... I missed blogging like crazy, and when in need of therapy had to resort to hot chocolate, or failing that, actual human contact. I kept thinking of amusing anecdotes, most of which I've now forgotten. I've settled at a church I shall rechristen "St. Weirdo's" for the purposes of blogging (really, how could I attend anywhere else?), I did a mini Gilbert and Sullivan concert with the society and sung the part of Mabel in a Pirates of Penzance song - yay!

In all the time that's past I can at least tell you that in that time the oddest compliment I received was "Who is the girl with the wonderful eyebrows?" although an honourable mention goes to "if I was a girl, I'd want hair like Helen's."

I had a great Easter. Saw my parents, siblings, siblings-in-law, sister-in-law's parents, and had a lovely Easter Sunday slobbing in front of the television with Stephen and Nicky before I came back to York. I made them watch Shipwrecked. Hopefully that doesn't actually contravene the Geneva Convention.

So finals are soon, and it's less than 100 days to graduation. Eeek.

I must have read at least three books - What the Bible really teaches by Keith Ward, Revelations of Divine Love by Julian of Norwich (a woman, despite the name), and Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde. Can't believe it's taken me this long to get into Jasper Fforde. I loved Revelations of Divine Love (extremely quotable, about half of my copy has pencilled underlines) and I enjoyed Keith Ward's book a lot too, but I'm not really in the mood for the kind of discussion it would probably encourage right now. Plus I have a little thing called a degree to finish off :)

I don't know if my blogfast brought me closer to God. I have, as always, had many Deep Thoughts which I'll no doubt be blogging in future. And I wrote this yesterday. I call it the "Messy Christian's Prayer". Enjoy and God bless :)

Father God,

It seems that following you is a rocky road with many surprises. Please keep me safe and let me love you and know you more and more each day.

May I never utter the following lies:
“I’m very open-minded.”
“My beliefs are always based on fact.”
“I don’t cry easily.”
“When I’m wrong, I’ll be the first to admit it.”
“I hate that sentimental stuff.”
“I’m happy all the time now that I have Jesus.”
“My heart’s one desire is to be holy.”
“Every step I make is a step of faith.”
“I will not boast in anything…”

May I never let my faith puff me up.

May I never be afraid of questions.

May I never claim that you always answer prayers, and certainly never claim that you never do – may I always be prepared for surprises.

May I never equate tradition or quietness with spiritual death, and may I always find time to be still and know that you are God.

May I never ever claim “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual.”

May I never equate witnessing to just not drinking or swearing in front of non-Christians.

May I never assume that someone with a different religion worships the Devil – unless, of course, they actually do.

May I never grow tired of learning.

May I never cease to be thankful.

May I never think being high on Jesus is a substitute for living a Christian life, and never cease to look for you in everyday places.

Let me always love other Christians, let me always love my enemies, and help me when they happen to be the same people.

Cure my itching ears so they only hear the truth and not just what I want to hear.
Remind me that playing solitaire is no substitute for prayer.

Forgive me my sins, even the ones I enjoyed, and especially the ones that still make me chuckle when I remember them.

Help me give even when it hurts, love when I want to hate, think before I speak and practise what I preach.

And may I always trust you and not myself, and remember that you’re much bigger than fear.

Amen.

Random word for today: ostensible

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