And in other news...

Ms Jardin is back!!!!!!!!

"(A food technology teacher) leaves us at the end of this term... (she) will be replaced by two part-time teachers, Emma Jardin and (some bloke). (He) has previously been a head of department and Emma rejoins the school to pursue a partcular interest in food technology."

Excellent. I can't believe it, it seems so strange.

So maybe the rumour about her going out with Mr C is true after all. Maybe we have a Mrs C in the making. (Later note, yes, she's going out with a teacher, but according to the rumours, not that one) It would be strangely reminiscent of two teachers at my primary school. I went to do work experience there, to relive being eleven and ignorant, erm, innocent that is. Amusing, really. When I met the woman who got married again, she was going part-time with a three-year-old son.

And before go one I'd like to make an announcement.

I am fed up with being belittled by teachers who think they know everything there is to know and have power over Heaven and Earth. So I am going to take a tip from Nicola and refer to every single one of them by their forename and initial. If they have an initial, they are a teacher.

So John E is Mr JE (Chemistry), Lesley C is Dr C (also Chemistry), Ian B is Mr B (Biology), Judith (I think, will rectify if incorrect)L is Mrs L (Biology), Christine (or Chris) T is Mrs T, Darren E is Mr DE (both Psychology), Digby R is Mr R (Diggers!) and Andrew A is Dr A II (English Lit) and Mary S is Mrs Smith (Deputy head and communication, and Helen W is Ms W, IT. And the headmaster (Mr 'Do tell me if you have any good ideas, my door is always open and do call me Simon' to the teachers and Mr 'Wear your uniform properly and don't break the rules or you'll be made an example of' to the pupils. Anyway, no educated person ends a sentence with 'of' or begins a letter with 'I am writing' in a formal context so I am sceptical as to the competence of this man.) is of course Simon D. (Phew, that was a long parenthesis) (look it up in the dictionary Philistine. I mean, what do you think 'parenthesis' means?)

So Mary S asked if I could do my Conjoined Twins speech again so she can video it and cross-mark or something. So I, flattered, said yes. I am mad.

Headmaster are all turning into the Simon D breed it seems. He's stupidly enthusiastic about the kind of things that look good on prospectuses. You know the type; after-school clubs, sporting achievements and incredibly high grades. But is he anti everything that involved a tiny bit of frivolity or what! He banned people dying their hair different colours for charity week. He actually put a section in this newsletter about uniform. "My teaching colleagues are still having to waste valuable teaching time reminding students to wear ties correctly and tuck shirts in." The words you need to learn are "Don't Bother!"

The last thing I'd like to say is this; we are doing Chaucer, the Wife of Bath's tale, for English Lit. She is a formidable woman who has married five times, to say nothing of her partner is youth. Digby R explained that she is portrayed as sexully promiscuous. Karen (not mentioned her...) then responded,

"So basically, she's a lesbian."

I don't think that Karen had quite grasped the text...