A Curious Girl: "Eureka!" "You're not too fresh yourself!"

Hehehe...

It's official, cart me off to a looney bin this instant.

I enjoyed work today.

I did my normal 'study Bible on the bus' routine (my great brainwave for somewhere I would not be distracted) this morning, as well as reading more of What's a Christian to do with Harry Potter? by Connie Neal and Sowing, Reaping, Keeping by Laurence Singlehurst... basically I was into my Christian books this morning :) I'm learning so much from them. It occurred to me that I already had mapped out an idea of what I wanted God to do at Soul Survivor, and because he didn't do it, a bit of me still believed that he was far away and not too bothered about coming back.

When I went to Soul Survivor, I knew what I wanted - or what part of me wanted. I want to be a powerful and mature Christian, but I also want to be a sickening, happy-all-the-time, totally assured and sorted Christian. And when I went to Soul Survivor, I wanted an encounter with the Holy Spirit, the awesome reassurance of God's love, the gift of faith, the banishment of fears. When I returned feeling, for the most part, just as average, just as doubting and fearful as before, I felt like a failure.

Yet I am sure he was working that week. I was helped and encouraged by being able to share experiences, making new friends (like the wonderful Sarah Extra Smoothie and Becky Funky Gateau) and meet Christians who are going to York, like me. I was equipped with a wealth of useful and wise advice for life at university. But I spent the last song in lost and frustrated tears. So what was he trying to tell me?

I know that he was teaching me perseverence, to eagerly seek after him. I cannot just take it for granted that God is easy to find at Soul Survivor and hard to find at home - I must seek after him in both places. At Soul Survivor, where God is so much in the foreground, and so many people have awesome, life-changing experiences of his power, I discovered how much I need God. And yet I find it so easy to forget this need at home...

After such a big festival, I am inclined to either ride on the feeling and put no work into my understanding of God, and what it is to serve him, or I work joyfully for a bit, and then when I am tired, give up. There was no 'feeling' - so instead I've done practical things, read books, used Bible notes and written my prayer schedule, which has been very useful indeed ('Tis a useful thing - divide the things you have to pray for into daily items in a weekly timetable, saves having to remember everything, and also, as it's written down, I actually remember to pray). These are helping me to understand the purpose of God in my life.

Yesterday the speaker spoke about how we need to 'tune in' to what God is saying to us. I was rather confused by this but I do need to somehow understand how I can hear God more, and people (Margaret and Joan) prayed for me. And today I understand a little more the dedication God is asking of me. Each day I should rely on him and him alone - and I have to act towards others with the utmost of love. That's really all there is to it :) But it's about making a daily choice. I'm sure I've probably said this before, but you know how you suddenly realise something, and you know it deep down? I have to have a willingness to serve him everyday, if I want to rely on him for always. I'm beginning to understand that 'tuning into' God is not just about a spiritual encounter, but it's also about comprehending what God is teaching through every medium - not just directly but through everything that happens - and listening to his will for my life... not just what I think his will for my life ought to be.

That said, I enjoyed work today :) (see, it really is the age of miracles!). No particularly special reason, either. I was hosting, my least favourite job, and felt doom approaching as soon as I realised that was what I was doing. So I (very sensibly for once in my life :) ) decided I'd pray. All right, so it wasn't always fun, but somehow I felt much more assured. Plus the customers weren't being very irritating and I didn't upset any servers, which was nice :) I felt at peace. Still do, actually. 'I enjoyed work' and 'I don't know where God is' cannot co-exist as true statements, in my opinion :)

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley in the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and staff,
they comfort me.

You prepared a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

That psalm (no. 23) was a subtle running theme of I am David (David was inspired because it was written by someone with his name). I'm so glad I found that book. :)

Random word for today: overflows

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