A Curious Girl: On human failings

*sigh* I was going to write something. I've forgotten.

Matters at hand are... strange. I'm coping better with no psychology. And for the first time... ever... the Christian Union are preparing to do big things in school.

It was at this time I realised that our CU is chaotic and mad. On Wednesday afternoon we could barely chat for the quarrelling. Even in myself I couldn't see much of God.

We're going to start a lunchtime 'drop-in' (hate that word, makes it sound like a counselling service...) to reach out to people in the school with problems, people who want to know God, and everyone else who wants to tag along... the only trouble is, the distractions. Either we're picking at details and getting nothing done. Or we're arguing amongst ourselves. God is not getting much of a look in. And I'm praying madly (actually, the word I want to use is 'religiously' but that would be rather redundant) that we will get back on track. It's frightening - without God all I see is a bunch of broken people not doing much.

I'm also having trouble with another matter - a certain teacher of mine sarked me yesterday when I did something silly. Actually, it was parents' evening... I wrote about the last one here, and he saw fit to tell Clive about this too. And that really annoyed me... he really annoys me... today in my lesson with him I felt like just keeping quiet and not bothering. (Mr. JE, on the other hand, is turning into a total softy :-) He keeps extending my deadlines!! :-) ) This is the thing though - I'd actually quite enjoy a nice grudge, but in the end, it's not what's right or what Jesus commanded. I think it's actually easier sometimes to love your enemies when they really are your evil wicked enemies instead of just normal people who happened to direct normal human failings towards you... feeling sorry for an evil person is not too hard when you know what good is - you know they're hurting themselves more than anyone else. And the dislike and annoyance is easier to ignore with normal people - you don't feel the need to deal with it so much. But what can I say? I have to love him. He irritates me to pieces but if I repaid that by attempting to irritate him, that'd make me just as bad. And... I watch people dismiss others every day... they do this without thinking, they just decide that that person does not have the right to human dignity. There's a teacher at my school I really feel sorry for because she doesn't control the class very well, and in the end they all taunt her and hate her. In their minds, she is reduced to nothingness, not a person, just a 'bad teacher'. I had this teacher too. I did not respect her. There are many people I have not respected, when they deserved respect simply as a human beings. They deserve respect because they have potential just like me, they have lives, feelings, aspirations, thoughts, philosophies, beliefs - we can't just decide that people who at first sight seem unlikeable are made of stone, and can take anything that we do to them.

Plus, I don't want to sink to behaving childishly, not for anyone. I do get childish sometimes... I admit I'm imperfect. It's not easy - I can't stand it when people humiliate or belittle me. Sheez. But is anything worth doing ever easy? Well... breathing, eating, sleeping.

I'm really only writing this for me, so you know :-) Sometimes Stephen writes about stuff that I know is so obviously directed at someone if he could only tell them! But this... this is just me striving. Because more than I want to keep disliking him, I want to make the world a better place. And if the world has to be a better place, some things just have to go.

Random word for today:

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