A Curious Girl: Friends, Driving, and Unfinished Novels

(Later editing: another great Helen dream moment... I forgot to add this into the original entry, but this morning, when I was meant to be getting up, I dreamt I was watching some people mixing stuff in a cauldron. Clive asked me, knowing I was not exactly awake, just loud enough for me to hear in my dream, 'Are you stirring?' 'No,' I replied. I wasn't. The people at the cauldron were doing all right by themselves.)

(If you want deep thoughts, go to the last entry which I only wrote a little while earlier, this is just going to be fluff and thoughts :) )

I've just started writing a long entry on fiction and my writing, but it'll probably bore the socks off everyone, so I thought I'd talk about the other stuff first :)

Yesterday I saw Rory again for the first time in weeks. I also saw Duck, Don and Lucy for the first time in weeks. I was madly happy to see them all, I'd missed them so much. But the reason I marked off Rory separately there is that I realised, when I saw him, that I haven't seen him for so long that I've actually missed being followed everywhere. Can you believe that I actually missed his inane comments? Heh, actually I did. He is my friend, although I still won't go out with him .

Lucy and James are prefects, Lucy is prefect to the form who made up most of Invasion. I think Lucy will make an excellent prefect :) I don't know about James ;) Poor James is still ill, although his kidneys are OK, his hormones are OK, and he hasn't got diabetes mellitus or diabetes insipidus. He just dehydrates really easily. Odd.

I drove to school with Clive today. I didn't enjoy it very much but then I wasn't really expecting to. I can't say what it is, I just didn't think I'd enjoy driving with Clive and I didn't. I think it's because occasionally I feel ill-at-ease when he is driving, and I never do with Mum. It made me especially nerous, which meant I mucked up, which meant he criticised me. He actually criticised me for going too slow. I was building up speed! What irritated me was that instead of just reminding me of what I was doing wrong, he explained why it was wrong. Or should I say, he said, 'You should do this-and-that or you'll fail your test'. Which annoyed me because I know why it's wrong, I've been driving for a year and a half. Yes dear friends, read about my first driving lesson here. I don't know what it was... it was just unhelpful. Maybe it was my fault, I know I screamed at him a couple of times. It reminds me of what happened in my mock test actually, Carolyn said, right in the middle of a reverse park, 'You can't wait any longer or I'll have to fail you' just as I was about to do something. Cue panic!

He and Mum both think my problem is I'm over-hesitant. Actually that's not my problem, my problem is I get nervous. I sometimes rush into things, because I'm worried of being over-hesitant. *sigh* I think I need prayer for this... (cue Ian writing another entry about religion :) give me a chance, I haven't responded to the last one yet :) ) *sigh* driving is getting to be a real trial. I almost feel the same way about it as I did playing the piano. I could play a piece right 95% of the time but there would always be the odd wrong note, and I could only get it perfect in the practice room. For some reason I could never get it right in performance. It felt so futile, and that's what driving feels like.

(this is just babbling about my writing. If it strikes you as boring at the start, it will probably bore you to tears. However it might interest some people sharing the need to write, so here it is)

I realised something worrying. I have probably written more original fiction in the past couple of weeks than I have read. Actually, I'm not sure, I don't think I've written that much original fiction either. As far as fanfiction stakes are going, I've only just read more than I've written. I seem to have not read any proper original fiction in a long time. That is quite disturbing, I've read more about Remus Lupin's love life than I have about anything original. *slaps wrist* Is this a cardinal sin of authorship? I mean, I actually want to write that novel at some point and I'm hardly supporting original fiction.

But at least I have a copy of The Catcher in the Rye to finish... Steve leant it to me. Oh yes, and Bored of the Rings and Thief of Time. I like Terry Pratchett but a lot of his Discworld stuff is starting to go over my head. I think I'm too pithy. I mean, I still like his writing style but he's getting quite complex, for want of a better word, which is good for some people but it means that I have to read the book preferably all in one sitting and I don't have time for that. He's still hilariously funny. I think I like Johnny and the Bomb best... mwahahaha.

As far as the novel is going... well. The Unfinished Novel is not proceeding at all at the moment, it's in need of a makeover and I'm not in the mood. I decided that if I want to actually touch people with my writing I should get a wider audience than just reviews on Fanfiction.net (yes, I have an account there, I admit it :) ) and guestbook signings. These are all well and good etc, but I realised that they're actually limiting my writing ambitions, to some extent, because they're an 'easy win'. I know I can get good reviews from a few people on the internet, but if I really want to develop my style, I have to be published.

I'm not entirely sure what God's plans for my fictional ramblings are. For the moment I don't have any really inspired evangelical stories ;) so I'm hoping just to entertain, and challenge people's views of the world. Nothing huge, but hey, have you ever been in bed with a mosquito? heh.

I know that presenting a positive and uplifting worldview through fiction can actually change the way people think. I love A Little Princess for example. Actually, of all things, that Babylon 5 episode 'Comes the Inquisitor' changed the way I think... isn't it funny what fiction can do? It can cheer people up. It can make people see the little idiotic things about society. It can inspire. And that's what I hope to do :) I must admit, I like the idea of fame too, but I think that should be secondary. (*thinks* well Jesus didn't exactly spread his fame around... hmmm)

As for the novel, well. I had several plans for novels but they're mostly a bit hit and miss and would take me ages to write, and need lots of research, and if I do them wrong, they'll be rubbish, so I've picked one about the things I know well, and one that isn't the Unfinished Novel (you know, the one I occasionally went on about a while back. The one that would be my autobiography if I lived in a country of my own invention and studied magic). Somehow I feel that the UN, once it's out, may be the definition of my writing career, and frankly it being the first novel I ever write would be a bit of an anti-climax for the rest of it :). So instead I'm going to delight myself with shallower and less philosophic pleasures... well, depending on what kind of a philosopher you are, you might deem that the Novel I'm Going To Write Instead of the Unfinished Novel is actually deeper and more philosophical, but in a more humorous and less angsty sort of way. The UN may just end up being the great Unfinished Masterpiece of my life. Like The Mystery of Edwin Drood, The Silmarillion and The Recluse.

Cultural gold stars to the person who knows the authors of those works :)

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