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Fearful
Friday, Nov. 09, 2001 - 14:44 Did I tell you I'm scared stiff about the job tomorrow? I'm scared... nay, terrified... that as with when I started secondary school, I'll be that little misfit girl who never really fits in. I'm nervous that I won't get on in the job and that everyone will resent me, that I'll be unhappy and outcast, that I won't know what I'm doing and that people will think I'm slow and an idiot... I know this is silly - I can always give up if it gets too difficult... but I'm still very scared. The girl who was showing me what to do last week told me that I should be quick... because 'Not being horrible or anything, you've got to be quicker than that.' That took me back... that phrase 'not being horrible or anything' was so often adopted by my friends who wanted to be cruelly critical but didn't want the problems of breaking the friendship. I didn't think that was how she meant it, but it still kinda freaked me. Having to prove myself is so painful... I keep praying about it. It makes me so afraid that I'm not good enough... I know that's not true, even though I believe it is. Perfect love drives out fear - God, I need your perfect love. Random word for today: << last entry ... next entry >> Interesting doughnuts - Sunday, Feb. 05, 2006 Blogging, why? - Friday, Feb. 03, 2006 Dreams, climate change - Friday, Feb. 03, 2006 In the shadows - Sunday, Jan. 29, 2006 |
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