A Curious Girl: Basically a follow-up from yesterday's entry

I did it. I dropped psychology. Told Mrs. Smith, our deputy head, she said , 'Are you sure?' and I felt terribly unsure. And said, 'yes'. Went to psychology, didn't get my things out, told Mr. DE with the whole class watching, very nervewracking, he seemed perfectly fine, I moved to go and a few people called 'bye' after me. I waved as the door shut. I felt elated. And a bit stupid for doing it in front of everyone. My psych group are mad... I think I'll miss Mrs. T most of all though, she is a brilliant teacher.

Another interesting thing happened in chemistry this morning. I was doing a titration on my own, and I finished first. What? I looked over the instructions. I examined my results - way better than usual. It may be because I was using a solution Lucy B. prepared whilst I was ill and so I was fairly certain at least that would be OK :-) I hadn't missed anything out, in fact I'd just done a perfect test. That's not right surely! Another memory pounced on me. It was Year 6, last year of primary school. I was eleven, and in the top maths group. I was at the bottom of the top maths group. I never finished the little maths tests we did, I was way away from my friends as Mr. R put us in order of the mean of last three test scores. One day my imbelicity overcame my incompetance - I did the wrong test. I felt terrible... not only was I not meeting what everyone expected of me, I'd just proved that as well as being stupid I was a total idiot. Mr. R and his associate, Mr. C, comforted me and told me I could complete the correct test whilst everyone was doing another one and finish that test at home. I had no time limit, so I took as long as I pleased. The next day my tests were marked and I bounced up the class... not literally, I mean Mr. R moved me further up :-) And then I realised I could do it, I could get good test scores, and completed all the tests I did. So really being an idiot is what saved me from being stupid :-) The next test I did knocked me waaay up, near to the top (don't forget, we were seated by averages), and I felt much more confident. And today, doing that titration perfectly was just how I felt the day Mr. R marked my tests and congratulated me. I was wondering why he didn't make me go down a group, I lived in fear of this (the next one was my scary class teacher Mr. W!). But he believed in me, even when I didn't.

One question remains - why does my chemistry coursework never go so smoothly??

I also realised that the reason I felt the need to take all four subjects 'I don't do anything during frees so I might as well take a subject during some of them!' shows me how much I don't really trust myself. I don't need four subjects to convince me of my worth... the thing I should be doing most is serving God, and if I am only concentrating on three subjects I can have more time for him. And the internet :-)

Right... um... that's it I guess. I'd better do some work and then Christian Union is on.

Random word for today:

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