A Curious Girl: What do I say (when a boy asks me out)?

I just had a cry. Would you believe that? You probably won't believe the reason why.

A boy asked me out. These are not tears of happiness, but tears of frustration. We were at the GB-BB Disco, and he kept talking and talking and talking, and I couldn't hear a word he said. Something about football. I loathe football. At the slow dance, he asked me if I wanted to, and I did, but quickly discovered he could not dance. He took me out, and said loads more, most of which I couldn't hear, and then after several goings on about love, I think (I could see this coming, to be honest) the words I heard were "will you go out with me?" Jeez, it was flattering but he kept trying to hug me and I just wanted him to shut up. The really odd thing is, at about 9:15 I was thinking that I'd phone Clive and ask him to pick me up usual time (as opposed to ten) because the party was a bore. I don't even like discos particularly much. Mucking around in a dark room with strange lights and failing conversations because I can only pick up a fraction of what anyone is saying does not appeal to me. But I thought, something might happen towards the end.

He's younger than me, this I know. I don't object to this on principle, it's just he seemed pretty immature too, and talking endlessly. It annoyed me. In the end, it's only my body and pheromones he was attracted to - he doesn't even know me. I live in this ironic state of existence, where I love to be funny and charming and witty, but in the end only blokes who like the size of my tits ever think twice about me. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be like a sculpture they crowd around, where all anything I say just distracts from the noise of their swelling egos. Why is it that I can't win the people I care about, and yet those who just like appearances want me? I am more than the outside. Am I really such an unattractive person inside that I can only grab the oglers?

He was persistent, but I am going to tell him no. He hardly knows me. He doesn't even know one of my favourite authors (David does - Adrian Plass. He doesn't know about Asimov or Pratchett, but never mind, Plass is cool).

He's asked Christina out. I know, because she told me; it was back when we were in Year 9, I think. I am so annoyed. I feel like an object. I don't want to be beautiful. Kindness and intellect are more attractive.

I will write more tomorrow, as I have a splitting headache and I have a cold. I am going to get a hot water bottle, and go to bed.

I was going to do my version of David's 'just good friends' speech on him. But just seeing the similarity made me feel bad. Is that what David though of me? That some younger girl who hardly knows him, who he doesn't really like, is putting herself on him?

I feel like crap. Goodnight all.

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