A Curious Girl: Recent Happenings

AAAAAAAAAAH! It's been ages since I last wrote! Thanks Mortiana for your nice guestbook signing, CU stands for 'Christian Union', which in my uni appears to mean Bureaucratic Evangelical Union.

So what's happened? Uni is still busy, the kids are still noisy but fun (Student Tutoring), lectures are still a pain and Matthew is still lovely :) (haha, I made Nicky listen to me prattling on about him yesterday, revenge is sweet :D)

I'm hopefully going to Amsterdam in a few weeks (yay!), getting a laptop soon (wooohoooo!) and ooh, it's Christina's birthday on Wednesday, Happy Birthday Chris (because I can't guarantee that I'll write an entry then... *sigh*)

I want to get a t-shirt that says 'I'm not apathetic, I just don't want to do things your way' :) Because I know the way I enthusiastically went to Christian Union and the way I've almost now ducked completely out of sight looks like apathy or being a lukewarm Christian or something but it's not, as Matthew was saying yesterday, being a Christian isn't being a member of a club or a political party...

The only thing I vaguely like about how the CU is run are their small bible-study groups and I don't want to get into the small groups because I don't like the hierarchical structure of the CU, I don't like the way each group has a leader and the leaders have their own bible study together as if the study they prepare for their small group is not good enough or something... It seems patronising how everything has a leader that decides everything and ordinary members don't seem to be trusted to do anything. Christian Union can't be properly democratical because 'people can be biased', so all the leaders/final year students pray, apparently granting those selected some kind of God-given superiority. At least that's how it looks. It feels like we 'ordinary' people can't be trusted to do anything.

I went to Night Prayer last night and Ellen (who is a nice person and edits the campus Christian magazine) was telling me how wonderful small groups are, and yes, I can see her point, they sound accomodating and discipling and everything in that it is just a small group of people who can help each other out etc, but I don't want to join one with that constitution behind it. Am I being nitpicky when I say this? I want to be treated equally, and not have to followed a prescribed Bible study prepared by an appointed leader, the content of which was decided by a 'selected' committee, in accordance with the principles of the national society to which it is affiliated. I want to have close friends to worship and learn about God with, I just don't want to do it that way. Is it too much to ask to have a small group where we can be trusted to think of our own Bible passages and follow our own notes, instead of being required to be meek to the supposedly wiser members of the committee?

Matthew says (and he's right) that I should start my own 'small group' but I'm not sure where to begin. I guess I could try contacting Fusion (who help start these things called cell groups which are similar I think) and maybe Laura (my corridor) and Karen would be interested... but I don't know. Anyway, please pray for me, that I'll have the faith to do it, and the love to do it well :)

I went to church with Laura last Sunday, and I ended up asking for prayer. I've been so un-dedicated lately when it comes to actually being with God (yes, I know this might sound like I am apathetic or being a 'lukewarm' Christian, but I think it's actually more my desire to be with God that is making me shy away from the scary patronising hierarchies of things), it's hard to find time and yet although I've not been very good at spending time praying etc., I miss it so much. The woman praying for me told me she felt I was a bit like one of her plants that she didn't give enough soil, looks healthy enough but no flowers. I resisted the urge to laugh, but inwardly I thought It's Frank again!. Haha, I love God's sense of humour. Poor Frank the sunflower looked anorexic and died without producing seeds, when a good deep pot and some plant food might have provided adequate nutrients for big leaves, lots of seeds, and resistance to the frost. Actually she died whilst I was at uni, so I'm afraid I never told you how she died... and now, a minute of silence...

Actually my personal favourite bit of the evening was when a woman likened how we talk to God to Pyramus and Thisbe in a Midsummer Night's Dream, how sometimes we feel that a wall is there between us and we're talking to God via a tiny hole in the said wall. Except the actor playing the wall is Satan and in fact there is nothing between us and God... yay!

Hmm, what else? Matthew is becoming more and more famous (or should I say 'notorious' ;) ) around campus, he's been on campus television, campus radio, and mentioned in campus newspapers and all in one week! One thing I really admire about him is how he'll stop at nothing to stand up for his beliefs, it's inspiring :D

He's sitting next to me right now so maybe I should stop complimenting him, he might think I'm doing it on purpose :)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... well I've been in the computer room for ages and I think it's time for some fresh air... have a good week :)

Random word for today: Formentera

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