A Curious Girl: Lesson from a human being

Hey, guess what?

I paid attention in chemistry today!

You may have noticed that I'm always going on about Chemistry and Mr. JE. About the way I'm always getting distracted, about how Mr. JE shows little emotion, and my smiling scheme, etc. It's probably because firstly teachers interest me. I want to be one, so that's probably why. Or something. That and the fact that I like children! Even badly behaved ones rather amuse me. Anyway, another reason is that he's so unlike me. I mean, me, unsubtle with my jokes, scruffy, scatty, loud when I'm not shy, and disorganised. And then you have him, quiet, subtle and a chiefly inorganic chemist, with a mind to suit. And that low voice with little change in pitch. When I had him first at fourteen, it was a serious struggle staying awake in chemistry, and I wrote him off as an emotionless introvert with little interest in anything but chemistry. In a way, my changing view of him is rather representative of my changing (and developing) maturity. So I determined to smile at him every time I saw him - step one. I noticed he got angry, and realised with it that he actually cared about teaching us, no idea why, but there you are. Personally I'd jump at the chance at missing teaching some of us chemistry, but being a teacher he could be a fool who actually likes teenagers, and maybe even the badly behaved ones amuse him! Then I thanked him for teaching us past his due (ie. when Dr. C. was away), and discovered that I wasn't really talking to an emotionless void after all. Caught a blush - sometimes catch the occasional joke. John is always going on about his 'little jokes' and all I can say is, he must pay so much attention, because I never catch that many. Anyway, it's not like he's trying to get us to collapse with laughter, but more on that later.

A bit later on I realised he was made in the image of God, which was a comforting revelation.

Sometime later I noticed that he smiled back when I smiled at him, and although this was making him more bearable as a person, I was still having difficulty concentrating in Chemistry. Maybe it's because I have him for 1 hour and 40 minutes first thing every Monday morning, when I should really be drinking coffee and maybe reading the morning papers. I wasn't made for Monday mornings.

Anyway, this morning I walked in armed with a new weapon. I knew that Mr. B thought he had a 'wicked sense of humour'. Besides, I have a quest to get funny quotes from everyone I can, especially teachers who say some of the stupidest and funniest things, and what's more, if I quote them to other people in my school, they'll know who I'm talking about. Mr. JE is now the only one of my teachers for whom I have not got at least one quote (although I only have one for Dr. C - 'Choose a big sheet of A4 Paper'). So I sat down, checked my test (21/30, although I think he miscalculated - I worked it out as 23) and thought to myself 'He's got a wicked sense of humour. Maybe he doesn't show it, but lots of people probably think I'm quiet and well-behaved.' And I realised that his voice was the misleading thing. There I was, listening to this perfectly normal human being and wondering why I hadn't noticed it before. For someone who knows that superficial things reveal nothing, I am ashamed of myself. As for John's mocking of his 'little jokes' - well they weren't meant to be hilarious. He was just being like anyone else - making small wry observations. Yes, he does have a rather obsessive desire to fill people with knowledge, but I sympathise with that. I think just teaching people spelling and grammar could satisfy me for a while (do you find grammar mistakes really annoy you? They really annoy me!! Especially when I catch myself doing it). Maybe he doesn't smile very much, and certainly I've never heard him laugh, but I know more people like that. And then I had a real self-revelation. My plan to smile at him all the time wasn't really for him, if you see what I mean. I was doing it because I knew I had such difficulty respecting and listening to the man, I'd realised I needed to treat him better to accept myself more. Does this make sense? That it wasn't to make him more acceptable, it was to change my own behaviour. And by doing it, I realised that it's hypocritical to expect of someone what you would never give them - even a smile.

And what was the point of that little story, you may be asking? Well, I realised that I have respect for him. Like all my other teachers, who have the nutty desire to fill young minds with knowledge (although I'm not sure about Mr. DE who teaches psychology - I think he just wants the money! But he's a nice man, very friendly and easy to relate to.), my chemistry teacher has the same desire, and he's practically obsessive about it. And that's it - I'll try not to spend any more time on my chemistry teacher, interesting though he is. I think maybe I have too much interest in personalities.

Other than that, today the school exercised some exploitation by forcing its lower school to do a sponsored walk, and we Sixth Formers to marshal and serve refreshments. It was very badly organised, and for a new cricket pitch, which most of us don't want. Most Sixth Formers went home, so many hung around doing nothing, and yet still I had to work on refreshments all afternoon. Mrs. P, organising/careers/geography teacher didn't do anything much when I asked if we could switch with someone. 'Switch with who?' Is she blind? Although it being so badly organised, she was probably busy with something else. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Clive says that if I complain I'll get a 'black mark' (Arg, the black spot, the sign of doom. Shiver me timbers!). But what if I don't? Let the school carry on executing ill-thought out ideas and exploiting us for it? I'm not sure what I'm going to do. It'd be quite amusing (from a detached point of view) if someone at school found this diary like they found Nicky's. A rather unhealthy interest into the personality of my chemistry teacher and rantings against the school! They might ban me from writing inflammatory comments or something. However, if they complain about this, I can say truthfully - 'I worked to provide refreshments all afternoon. I helped out even though I didn't agree. So let me have my opinions.'

Random word for today:

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