A Curious Girl: I am the very model of a fluffy doubting liberal

Hi guys (thanks Georg for your GB message)

I've been reading through old entries. It's scary. It's kinda weird when there were things I'd written about that I literally didn't remember at all until reading them. It's also kinda weird how there were some things I barely mentioned but the memories came back so clearly just from reading odd sentences. I almost feel like a different person now. Isn't that strange? Well, this diary is over four years old (that *is* strange) and I'm going to be 21 soon. Which is just peculiar.
Living in the 'real world' is frankly a bit of a let down sometimes. For one thing, strangely enough it seems that most people here are *more* obsessed with alcohol than people I knew at university. I'm scared to invite people out for my birthday lest everyone assume I want to end the evening smashed out of my brains. I wonder if there's something wrong with me. I tell myself the reason I have troubles getting on with my team is because I don't like football and am not astonishingly keen on alcohol, but I don't know. Becky and I don't have much in common either, with the exception of our mutual fondness for South America (I want to go to Peru, and she's been there!) But somehow we can discuss everyday things quite happily and I might somewhat optimistically venture that we're friends. That's the curious thing. I can't really pinpoint where most of our topics for conversation come from - we talk about family and books and things, and things going on in our lives. Yet with some of the others, I'd swear that they mainly talk about playing football and getting drunk. I can barely think of anything to say.
It seems strange, too, how it's easy to get into a conversation with some people, but hard with others. I find David (an old school friend who's at university in this illustrious city) astounding easy to talk with. I find Neal, a guy I see on the bus, quite hard to talk to even though we tend to do a bit of small talk whenever we see each other. He's a really nice guy, but it always seems awkward when we talk...

There was a large scale baptism at my church on Sunday! And in a typical moment of daftness, I missed it! 20 people were baptised! I really like my church. I'll be so sad to leave it. Although I won't be sad to get back to a small church, since there are so many people in my church I end up confusing people with other people. Sigh. I was kinda depressed I missed it, but then I called Christina and she says Ali (who I met at Detling all those many years ago... at least, I assume it's that Ali :)) is getting baptised on Sunday! Near me! And she's going, would I like to come! So yay, I love a good baptism!

I've been feeling weird about God lately. Sounds strange, but I've had moments of doubt when I wondered whether God exists at all. And then I wondered why, if God doesn't exist, we're here at all, and that gave the whole universe a surreal appearance. Something can't come from nothing. That would be nonsense. But something can't be eternal, can it? It's all a bit rubbish philosophising when you've nothing to compare it to. So, I've been praying and wondering what to believe. Last week I met some Muslims who gave me a pamphlet entitled "Is Jesus God?" (their answer was "No and he never claimed to be") but I remain unconvinced by their arguments... But sigh, I feel far from God. I'm trying to get back into read the Bible regularly. I don't really have a plan though...

I'm going to see the Pirates of Penzance! Hopefully, anyway. I might even be going to see the Sorcerer as well. I asked Kate in the Christian Fellowship group here... Well, I told her that I kept seeing things I liked in theatres and PoP was on this week, and she said, "You know, I really like Gilbert and Sullivan." Woohoo! So do I.

Random word for today: commisariat

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