A Curious Girl: A method in my madness

Today I was in Rochester, and I had the crazy idea to go up to the college to see if I could catch Claire, my best friend from when I was eleven, coming out. Of course, it was a mad idea, as I wasn’t sure what time everybody was supposed to leave and I also had the feeling that the college wasn’t even open on Fridays. As I walked up, I realised what I would have to do if I saw her – I’d have to tell her I was a Christian. There was no way I could leave it. I couldn’t deny my Father for the sake of looking good in front of an old friend. As I walked along the road I thought – and prayed – about the right way to do it. I decided to walk up to the main entrance along the next road. I prayed for the confidence to tell her, I remembered that God would give me the strength and the words to say. I wondered what Claire would look like after all these years.

I followed a dark-haired girl who was quite a way off, but she disappeared. I waited and prayed as another brown-haired girl came down and out of the entrance. She didn’t look like Claire – she spoke on her mobile, and she didn’t sound like her either. She walked away. I watched more people go past. I wanted to tell Claire – if I could tell her, I could tell anyone about my beliefs. I sat down on the grass and waited, and watched. I prayed. I prayed that I could see her, tell her – and then I prayed what I’ve been trying to pray all along. ‘Lord, I won’t let shyness rule me. Your are the power over my life, not my shyness. Help me do what you want.’ I prayed that I wouldn’t let shyness hold me back anymore. I determined that I’d get prayer as soon as I could on Sunday. I sang ‘Lord, I come to you.’ (I sing a lot in public places, as well as private. Pity I’m a little tone-deaf.) And I realised that it was what all this ‘waiting for Claire’ was about. In a way, she embodies my fear of rejection – a close friend who I watched actively reject a Christian. If I’d got there in the right time, it’s plausible that I would have seen her – just so you know I’m not completely neurotic. Pray for me. I don’t want to hold this fear any longer. If I can’t talk about Jesus, then how can I say I love him? You can’t love someone and disown them. I must stand up for my God.

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