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The Lord is my light and the one who saves me
2001-02-23 - 18:54

God says, "How can I change who you are if you won't be who you are?"

I went to see What Women Want with Chris today. It is excellent! Go see it, I won't spoil the plot for you. They played Bitch by Meredith Brooks, and I thought, how I love that song. I was singing it on the way home, thinking, how like me.

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover,
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed"

But I do feel ashamed. I feel dirty and low.

Letters from under the closet door...

I'm a walking paradox sometimes. Such a bitch, and yet I do my best to be kind. Or do I? And I'm a celibate sex maniac. I'm also lazy and have a lot of prejudices. Jeez, I'm being open today. But I guess I have to face up to these things. (I'm playing Bitch now, it is very inspiring) I find myself sinking with my hidden thoughts burying me. I am not perfect, no matter how hard I try, and sometimes I feel like that means God has gone on holiday (Thanks Adrian Plass). But he is gentle. He didn't expect me to be perfect right away, otherwise Jesus would not have died. He wouldn't have needed to. He understands. He accepts me, and when I accept him, he gives me the power to do the right thing just a little more. Yes, I fail. I fail a lot. It's just that he picks me up again.

"Even though I walk through the valley in the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me" Psalm 23:4

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