A Curious Girl: The Prime Minister's Brain and other stories

Bonjour, c'est moi. I apologise if the writing style of this lacks a bit, I had a glass and a half of wine and I'm a total lightweight. Anyway... Christina was talking about being a prefect, and about how she perceived prefects as in The Demon Headmaster, ie. 'The prefects are the voice of the headmaster. They must be obeyed.' And then she referred to him as Jack Straw, and I thought, of course! That's who he reminds me of! It is indeed worrying that a man who closely resembles the Demon Headmaster is near enough to Tony Blair to influence his decisions. 'Jack Straw is a marvellous man and this is the best cabinet I've ever organised.'

We had a discussion about university/work etc. over dinner tonight. Maybe I said things wrongly as I was a little tipsy, but I've agreed to look for a job, so long as it's enough to pay for my driving lessons that is - I'm not fussy. Mum said that I should not look on Tesco's as boring - a job at Tesco's would be serving people. It kinda reminded me of The Midnight Club in which one of the stories told had an angel who became mortal, and on his travels became a cab driver in New York - it was so that every passenger could get out of his car feeling better. And it also reminded me of the story in Chicken Soup for the Soul, about one man's quest to bring love back to New York, in which the observer notes that he compliments a cab driver on his driving, and the man suggests that the cab driver will then pass on the good feeling to his other fares. And it's comforting - I know that I can serve God in whatever job he wants me to do, even if the money's just to make sure I can pay for driving lessons and stop Mum having to pay me pocket money. And buy my own clothes. And - harder - give more. Because Jesus commands that we are giving with our money. The last thing I want to do is become grudging or greedy. I know God finds ways of looking after us - that we don't need

And we discussed gap years - Clive reckons it's a bad idea. He also thinks that yesterday I gave him the impression I didn't want a gap year. Where did he get that idea from? He gave me the impression that he thought I shouldn't have one, but he seems to believe that helping people is a lost cause unless you stand to sacrifice nothing, and altruism appears to be something other people do. Mum believes that if I do have a hardworking gap year, it'll be OK, and if anything goes horribly wrong, they'll be there to pick up the pieces. Clive thinks that if I do it for Careforce I may be taken advantage of. The phrase I was grasping for, but didn't manage to say was, 'I'll take care of myself.' Or rather, 'God will take care of me.' Not to say that I wouldn't like my parents' help, just that I know that stuff is in God's hands, and coupled with that, I don't just want to avoid every situation for its potential problems. I'm not one to be wrapped in cotton wool, or bubble wrap for that matter. Sometimes you just have to face the world as it is. But Clive won't listen to anything about God, and my apparent sweet innocence seems to make him want to protect me. To him, I'm naive - maybe I am. But God's got his plans for me, and I know that as much as I have to be a fool for Christ, his wisdom will be guiding it. And also, sometimes you've just got to make mistakes! I will make some wrong choices, it's practically inevitable, but as I am fond of occasionally saying, 'Sometimes it's a choice between the hard way and the harder way.' I could probably write a very philosophical song about it.

Anyway, I said I was having my 'uncertainties'. But they are fairly unfounded. I have to talk sense to myself - I know that if God calls me somewhere, he'll make sure that I know. And I know too that although uncertainties are sometimes a sign that I'm doing the wrong thing, sometimes they're really just the devil having a dig. Because I know that I'll like Careforce, Biochemistry, then teaching and eventually working as a teacher in the places where they need them - I'm not planned that far yet, but never mind! And I know that I can serve God with them. I know too, that God will be with me if I know I have to do something else. I do not need to worry. Oddly enough, after my trip to Southampton, it actually seems further away that I have to decide these things. But I'll be OK - and for the moment, I can serve God in school. I'm feeling very future-oriented today - and for some reason I keep typing the wrong words as I'm attempting to explain this to you. Doesn't make sense. And I'll start looking for a job, phone Mac the Millennium Volunteers guy about voluntary work, and get this blasted D of E sorted out - although to be honest, leaving it until later or never is becoming a very tempting proposition. I'm going swimming tomorrow and I've got my Gold book at last. Phew!

Stratford next week! Yay! I'll have to keep a diary on paper and put it in here so you can hear about my wonderful trip.

Random word for today:

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