A Curious Girl: Having a proper talk with Dad

I don't know why I move away from God. What kind of logic is that? He's the most mighty redeemer, and he's brought about the most wonderful things that have happened to me, and yet every now and again I get afraid and run away. It's shameful.

I read Alice's diary, and found myself identifying with a lot of the stuff she was saying. And then I read about her talk to God, talking to him completely openly as if she was making a diary entry or something, and I thought, why not? So I did. It was a bit weird at first, especially as I was doing it out loud (conversely, praying in my head actually seems more real to me. I have a strange mind). I find it comforting talking to God as if in conversation (ie. imagine he's sitting next to me, that kind of thing) and praying out loud did help to focus my thoughts quite well - I was aware of the silences more, as I don't daydream out loud!! It was nice to have the 'chat' :-) as it got out some stuff I'd been worrying about much clearer than my prayers have been. I just said everything that was on my mind - like Jesus did in the Bible. It's really a great way to pray - just be completely honest, talk how you normally do, and say what you want to say to him - and what you know you have to say to him. I am so dependent on God - I find that I don't function properly when I'm focusing on how good I feel, or what I'm doing with my life. I notice that people are dependent on a lot of things like that. But I have to be dependent on God, or else I'm either depressed or holier-than-thou - I get blind and can't find my way properly. Unless I rely on him for everything - not on my dreams, my talents, my ideas, my friends, my possessions, my future, but him, then I can truly be who I have to be, and do what I have to do. Otherwise I'm functionless and going nowhere. I need to put him first - his will. This is my prayer. Pray for me!!!

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