A Curious Girl: In which the standard of my reading material comes into question

Argh, I have period pains.

And I'm meant to be planning Alive this lunchtime, except I feel odd, and weird about something I read last night. I have basically realised that in actual fact I am sort of fond of romance, when it's tied in with a good plot, and the story I was reading last night had an excellent plot, and quite a cute romance going, then it suddenly got really explicit. The trouble is, the non-romance side of the plot is really interesting, and it hasn't finished being written yet, so I'm going to have to wait if I want to read the end. Should I? I just feel odd about it. Bad because I know sexuality is a gift from God and if I go reading stuff that is deliberately designed to arouse it, I feel like I'm abusing that gift. I can try skimming over the explicit bits, but I don't know it that's enough.

I have a feeling that anyone reading this is either shocked or wondering what on earth I'm fussing about. What fun polarities are.

The Year 12s leave today. I've got most of my friends to sign my book, and usually they leave a note or at least a 'good luck'. Ricci just signed it. Much as I feel idiotic reading into this, it just seems to sum up how I feel about the progression of our friendship. I used to think he cared about people but was too shy to say so in words. Actually, maybe he was. A lot of people are like that. But now I just get the feeling that he doesn't care. That he takes life, friendships, popularity etc. for granted, as benefits but not responsibilities. I don't know if he's changed, or if maybe he is just too shy to say so still, or maybe he was like this all along and I didn't see it.

Or maybe he's just changed towards me. :(

General Studies exam Wednesday, mostly all right. There was an article about how teenagers today are into consumerism and fashion, that was cleverly written but actually poorly supported in terms of evidence. It also depressed me because I did know that some of it was true, but I don't think it's just teenagers - it's general social atmosphere. However not all teenagers are obsessed with what they're wearing and more ways to be a spendthrift.

After the exam, I went to Grandad's, and no-one was in. So I read Catcher in the Rye and ate snacks waiting for them to return. They didn't, so instead of going to Faith and Light I called Stephen and got a lift home in his van for work. I feel much more comfortable when he's driving now - he's mellowed a bit, because of the bike.

I've just realised, my prayer diary is lying on this desk with 'Prayer Diary God is Love' for everyone to read... hmm :) Although much as I don't mind people reading the front cover, I'd rather they didn't read the contents.

Catcher in the Rye is an all right book. I'm about half-way through. Although Holden says 'goddam' so much it's sort of annoying. Sometimes, if I see a particularly good line in a book I like to read it out loud, but words like 'goddam' really irritate me. To be honest, I'd rather say f***ing. I mean, if he knew God he wouldn't throw his name all over the place, I'm pretty certain of it.

Now isn't that odd? This is probably a shocking entry by my standards.

Random word for today:

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