A Curious Girl: The Right Place

*sigh*. Writing is fun. Jokes make me laugh. Chocolate can lift my mood.

But what really makes me happy? I can only feel contented when I'm right with God (I thought about continuing this entry as a riddle but the answer seemed so obvious I couldn't be bothered!). With other people too - don't get me wrong, if I've hurt a person and I'm not right with them, I'm not right with God. But... there's more to life than just being cheerful. Being cheerful is nice but it can also be really annoying, and also when you're not feeling happy all over, being cheerful is irritatingly misleading.

But that's what I've been doing this week. Writing my stories and reading and telling jokes, and hearing a few, and yet feeling more and more like I want to spend the next couple of weeks under my covers and not talk to people. When I think about the people who never take life seriously, who justify things as 'a joke', I think that maybe sometimes they get it wrong, except it seems terribly sombre to say that sometimes laughter is not the best medicine. It's often a temporary fix - laughter is the reaction to something funny/humourous/laughable/wonderful... and without the stimulus it can't exist.

I always wonder at myself for being so complicated that I analyse my own disorders. Anyhow.

At Detling, I remember - every now and again - a little tickle, a laugh I had because... I'd discovered that things really were wonderful. That God loves us just the way we are - that he created us to be his children, and to enjoy life with him. That he loves us enough to die for us. And when I wonder why at Detling it was much easier to know than it is at home, it's because of the distractions. At Detling, most things were God-centred, and even in the things that weren't, I was usually still thinking about the God-centred stuff. At home I'm reminded that not everything in my life is perfect (yet!). And this hinders me a bit... thinking, God won't do anything, so why even bother? Read Psalm 42 (this version will do), and felt comforted to know that there are people out there who have felt the same! And 2 Corinthians 4 and 5 (here and here)... but to be honest the real starting point was Isaiah 61. I read that, felt hopeful, and my Bible advised reading (in the text, it didn't tell me :-) ) the other two passages. It's odd, because I partly read Psalm 42 yesterday but got bored *blushes*.

Ooh yes... Chris, if you're reading this, I took your advice from CU yesterday :D And... I'll buy that flipping wig Saturday! Can't believe I forgot! Argh! (Well, it was raining. Hard.)

In any case, I once again realised that God's the best person for me to know :) And reminded myself that I always get through hard times better when I rely on him, not on some quick fix or changeable force of nature.

Random word for today:

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