A Curious Girl: Some moaning

I have tummy ache. This normally wouldn't be a problem, but my paranoia (this time manifesting itself as hypochondria) makes me suspect there might be somthing wrong. On the other hand, it feels nothing like period pains, just like ordinary tummy ache.

Sigh. I went to see the doctor about my bizarre un-period-like bleeding (what an icky thing to have to talk about). Actually the first time I went and saw a female doctor I will call 'Dr. Euphemism'. I explained my problem. Dr. Euphemism told me that there might be some link with 'insulin resistance'. She told me my "B.M.I. is over thirty". She told me that since I wasn't sexually active, there probably wasn't a problem with my 'spotting'. Told me I might have polycystic ovary syndrome but probably didn't.

Bah. I was quite touched that she obviously didn't want to tell me to lose weight, but she was annoying blase. Oh sure, I may be bleeding abnormally, I may have a periods at least two months apart, but that's not a problem so I'll just have to live with it.

Two weeks later, I went back to the doctors, because I was still bleeding nearly everyday. Woo. And sometimes really heavily. (But mostly not). Saw a man. Wasn't best pleased about talking about my womanly problems to a man. But he prescribed tablets that help, and scheduled me for a blood test and apparently an ovarian scan, though I haven't heard about when that is yet. And apparently I could have polycystic ovary syndrome. Deep joy. While the rest of the female world is worrying about getting pregnant, I'm worried about never being able to (chance would be a fine thing ;) ). And most ickily of all, I read that apparently PCOS doesn't cause infertility as such, "There appears to be a higher rate of miscarriage, gestational diabetes, pregnancy-induced high blood pressure, and premature delivery in women with PCOS." (link). Which raises all sorts of nasty issues. After all, premature delivery can be highly detrimental to the baby, and as for miscarriage... I don't think I could really bear to risk it.

It might be easier if there was some kind of globally agreed time at which potential baby becomes actual baby - some stage before which no one needs to worry that they're meddling with human life. Unfortunately, most Christian schools of thought seem to agree that the only stage in which a human being's life is not destroyed by our meddling is when we decide to use non-morning after type contraception. (And if you're Catholic, the only way to decide not to have a baby is to not have sex) When sperm meets egg, that's it - there's a human being. Which means that a miscarriage as well as an abortion, is the death of a human being. Such thoughts can turn one a bit 'pro-choice', since the pro-lifers are basically suggesting that even when a newly formed embryo that fails to embed itself in the uterine wall, a human being has died. I have to wonder whether the kind of people who go crazy over therapeutic cloning also rant and rave about the millions of children that die each year from easily preventable diseases.

So... other than icky womanly problems, life is... well, a bit boring to be honest. Work is slow right now. My next door neighbour (Kathleen) moved out on Sunday and though the Irishman who moved in in her place seems nice, I miss her. We had conversations in the corridor. She reminds me of a shyer version of Sarah, one of my housemates last year. Except not that much, because she's a librarian and doesn't understand irony, and Sarah was a biologist and we stressed about our exams together. Until I realised that even when we revised together she always did much better than I did. Heh. I miss Sarah...

My church small group is getting way too big. And the DVD teaching is getting on my nerves. I'm never satisfied you know... In the church I briefly joined in York, I thought that it was too small, the hymns were too old and incomprehensible, and the Evangelicalism made the church a bit too legalistic. Now I get stressed because my church is too big, all the songs seem to be loud rock music, and the church ought to have a bit more depth in its teaching. Don't worry - this is just one of my occasional moods - I've had so many that even I recognise when I'm just being fussy.

I want to go to Edinburgh for Make Poverty History... and I'm kind of disappointed that no one in my church seems to be going. So if I can book the accommodation, I'll go by myself. Hah.

Random word for today: hypochondria

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