A Curious Girl: Spiritual Epiphanies and other stuff

Well it's about time too!!

There's this programme I just saw an advert for - Son of God 9:10pm BBC 1 next Sunday. Should be interesting. And weird. Probably the usual bunch of sceptics and people with pee haitch dees in theology. Hope we don't end up watching it in Church (lazy ministers have been showing us videos for the past few weeks).

Lots of stuff to talk about. I'll either not cover it all or skim over it in double-quick-time.

Anyways, what first?

Hmm. Well, I was ill this week. Missed two days of school and a Biology exam. What a shame! Also had a surprise Chemistry exam when I got back. So far my mock marks are 12/36 for John E.'s paper (fairly average for the class actually, but that didn't stop Clive from treating it as one of the signs of the end times. "Nations will fight against nations, and kingdoms against other kingdoms. In various places there will be earthquakes, disease and famine. And people will score badly in mock AS levels.") 51/52 for Lesley C.'s paper. 63% overall for psychology (Darren E. kindly told us that he wanted us to 'blow it', kind man). I got 18/20 for the Arcadia essay, but I haven't officially got it back yet - Mrs. Hepburn told me whilst she was attempting to work out what happened at the end of the play. I got 8/20, round about a D minus for Antony and Cleopatra, which I think is utterly hilarious. My understanding of the question was apparently much different from Mrs. Leatt's. I did Biology on Friday, so I haven't a clue how that went.

On Thursday, something amazing happened. It was consequence to my rather judgemental nature. Maybe I don't seem judgemental, I don't know; it's a bit like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, who didn't have a heart and so was extra careful not to hurt anyone's feelings. It's just something that has always kind of bothered me, that I can't look at someone without immediately thinking 'stupid', 'pagan', 'clone', 'ugly', 'Chav', 'Chatham girl', 'yob'. It's a horrible side of my personality. I was in Chemistry of all places on Thursday morning. I'd arrived late to the surprise exam, and so had been put at the back, in the single desk in the middle of the aisle. A bit of a humiliating place to be. And I'd just done the test, rather convinced that I'd done badly, and was feeling annoyed at John E., who was bound to be irritating about the fact, especially as I'd flunked the halogens exam.

Then I thought, seeing as he'd seemed so human recently, it was a bit unfair to complain. (Not that I could complain to anyone, stuck on that desk!!) "After all," I thought, "He's made in the image of God."

Of course. The first in the list of 'feel good' verses in 'Who do you think you are?" (Steve Mawston). The one that everyone quotes but I'd managed to forget about. It reminded me of a sketch in 'Hopes and Dreams', called 'Sweeping the playground'. Two apparent caretakers discuss the mess the human race has gotten itself and the world into. One thinks that it would be better if the human race had never existed, but the other says, no, there's hope for us yet. Just think about how we were only dust before and then God breathed. We are more than dust.

Anyway, after a rather hilarious interval in which I considered that 'electronegative' could be a Balderdash word, and wonder if Andrew A., in his family's games, had discovered that kind of definition that brought forth such amazements as 'a stick wrapped in string to disguise its original shape' (serious sniggers), I thought more about the image of God thing. I mean, when I told Abi she was made in the image of God, her response was, "I damn well hope I'm not". I looked around my class with this thought in mind. It was enlightening. Every single person in that room had a soul, the power to do the greatest good and give the greatest love. And most, probably all, didn't even know it. I went home on the bus, and again, how so enlightening. I wasn't looking at evolution's mistakes, but God's creations, all members of the human race, which, granted, is flawed, but also saved. It was like in Disclosure, where they talk about having special x-ray type specs with which to see people's auras. It was so damn great, everyone seemed so damn gorgeous, that I walked up Star Hill just to spot more people. They probably thought I was insane because of the way I kept grinning at them. (It's a bit of a strain to keep up, as it requires a conscious effort sometimes, but it gets easier)

It was an answer to prayer, too.

What's more, I stopped caring about my chemistry mark when I realised that it doesn't matter all that much, because a) it's a mock, and b) I'm saved. Put it into perspective, and it suddenly seems like a pathetic thing to worry about.

I love Jesus, I really do. When I was thinking about this, it also brought to light the meaning of that bit in the Sermon on the Mount, in which he says, "The eye is a light for the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light." There's also what he says about "the speck in your friend's eye". I never got why he was using eyes as a metaphor, until I realised that in judging people it was like I had impaired eyesight - people put 'short-sighted' and 'narrow-minded' together. He wasn't insulting people who need glasses. So, being in the mood for singing worship songs, I started singing Amazing Grace for a bit, and then a few others (this is perfectly normal for me, I always sing in public places). When, for no apparent reason whatsoever, I started singing 'Light my fire again' I got to the bit where it goes, "Don't let my vision die", and thought, there it is again! It was really my day for spiritual revelations. It's about what you're focused on. Focus on God and you'll do the right thing. As Phil (driving instructor) tells me, look to where you want to go and you'll go there. Oh, and don't look at expensive cars.

So what else happened. Well, Thursday night I actually wrote a poem. Impressive, considering it's been ages. On Friday, I did the Biology exam, got an e-mail from Alice (that was nice) and saw Gizmo, Amy's horse. I also went to see Activate on Friday night. That was rather cool, but not really my kind of thing. Too loud.

Had a good driving lesson yesterday. Felt quite confident, although I'm not very fond of stopping and starting, which probably explains why I wasn't breaking properly. It got easier, although I went too fast round a corner (I blame Stephen :-) ) and Phil said I went round on two wheels, and one of them was probably the spare. Phil's such a great guy, and he's so damn calm. I don't now how he manages it. He's just really really easygoing.

I went shopping for Mother's Day, and bought Mum 'Rain Man' from Safeway's. She was not surprised, as it was what she had asked for.

Ooh, and an interesting guestbook signing! Not saying that anyone else's is uninteresting, you understand, but it provokes a response. You shall get one, Thomas Indigo, and congratulations on your fantastic taste in colour.

Random word for today:

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