A Curious Girl: Hopelessly Devoted

This is what is known as displacement activity - basically I'm putting off revision, wrapping up presents and writing Christmas cards because I don't want to. Abi asked if I wanted to come to the Winter Solstice thing she is going to with Chelle, Martin et al. It sounds fun but incredibly pagan and I'm about as non-pagan as you can get without actually /being/ God. So maybe I'll go for the laughs (Ricci's planning manhunt and there will be exchanging of presents etc) but stay out of the pagan stuff. Or just not go.

I seem to have sent many more e-mails than I am receiving, and I find this most annoying. After all, I have signed up for four notify lists and one newsgroup and not one has mailed me. I have mailed the anti-rock fundy site, and not a word from them. I'm beginning to feel neglected :-)

I have read quite a few diaries in the past couple of days (although oddly I cannot get into Nicky's). Let's see - I read Jesus-online, Lolita's (link below), some guy who calls himself Drallak, God's (alledgedly) and fragments of a couple of others.

I like Lolita's diary. She's very honest, and very readable. It's a kind of a unique relationship you can have with someone when you read their diary.

All right, as to honesty, I will confess my feelings during Christian Union today.

I walked over to the Music room, and thought, "it's empty. We must be in room HY."

So I walked back past the hall, and looking in I saw the chairs set out as if for a meeting or concert or something. Right at the top, just by the refectory area, I saw David (otherwise known as Dave and David-the-love-of-my-life) talking to Andrew A (see yesterday). I stopped. I looked, feeling lovesick as per usual, doing the normal wonderings about hormones etc. He started to come down to the doors. "Can't look like I'm waiting," thought I, and proceeded to fake the 'just walking past' look. I did so, looked (conveniently) back and saw him as planned. He smiled and said hello, and we walked to the H block together.

I asked him about the Year 7 party yesterday, which he was organising. He said they loved it, and I congratulated him, and made a jokey remark about how I'd missed out when I was a Year 7. He asked if I wanted to be a prefect, because if I became one, I could organise it next year. I said, "maybe" and he said if I did, he'd vote for me, as he gets a vote (I'd call it unfair but that is not what I was thinking).

And so we arrived, and we didn't bother doing a session, just the normal Christmas mucking around with the usual recycled kids' party games; musical chairs and the chocolate game. Musical chairs was funny but the chocolate game is just frustrating. After that (in which I noticed that David has lovely hands - Nicky, look at them next time you see him and you'll see two wonderful specimens) we did the usual stuffing of face. David had brought an accordian along (which he used during 'The Weakest Link') and he played it. The accordian is a much maligned instrument, but let me tell you, he played 'Silent Night' and it was beautiful. Sweet heaven, was it lovely.

Then we started to get ready to leave. I said Merry Christmas to everyone, starting off by hugging but I didn't hug Jessica, or Richard, although I teased him about his evil looks, and by the time I got to David I was smiling but too shy to hug.

And as for honesty, the truth is I'm obsessed.

As with any addiction, the only proper way to give up is to go cold turkey. But that is out of the question. Sometimes I think about this, and it all seems so shallow, and yet I am captive to my feelings. What can I say? I am sadly single and can never start to like a guy who genuinely likes me to the same degree. I like some of the guys at church, but not in that way.

Oh well, I'm off to wrap presents.

- What (re)started all this

Random word for today:

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