A Curious Girl: Valentine's day message

TMI WARNING:

I'd like to thank my Mum for having sex this day in 1983. Thanks also to St. Valentine for encouraging the event.

END OF TMI WARNING.

I wonder why I ever hated Valentine's day? I grinned as I walked past a student television recording today, hearing the remark, It's Valentine's Day and singletons everywhere are miserable, and walked about my way wondering what planet she was on. Miserable? Who could be miserable on such a life-affirming day as this? Besides the reminder that it may even be partly due to Valentine that I exist at all, there's no day like Valentine's to remind me of the many benefits of being single.

If there's anything I'm grateful for in having actually had a boyfriend, it's the knowledge that Valentine's day is not necessarily a beeyootiful day of lurve... It seems to be more about buying your beloved a card and flowers to alleviate guilt and do your duty for another year. A good time for Clintons and Interflora, and a day of intense romantic pressure on all those couples out there. Happily I can be but a spectator in this ridiculous event, go and buy myself some chocolate... oh, and I'm going see Keith and Sian tonight! I also have about forty minutes to think of a fancy dress costume, which may mean I'll end up going to Dougsoc as Miss Make Poverty History again.

What can I say? Life is good.

In the true spirit of the day, the Student Union has put out signs reminding people to protect themselves against chlamydia. Aah, celibacy is a beautiful thing.

I was thinking of some "anti-Valentine's" songs... for years I've been planning to hold an anti-Valentine's party only right now I just don't feel bitter enough :) But I was thinking of one, and realised that the style would hardly be appropriate for a well-bred young lady rejecting her suitor. I felt that I needed to re-write it so that it would be suitable for rejecting the more high-class gentleman that one hopes may be courting one.

I have been acquainted with a number of gentlemen who considered themselves in possession of above-average intellect.
However, you seem to consider yourself infallible,
Your conviction of your own high IQ is a particularly irritating characteristic.
You believe yourself uniquely knowledgeable on every topic.
I do believe that you consider yourself apart from the common herd,
An altogether different breed.

If we accept the proposition that you have extraordinary intelligence,
I remain unconvinced at your general prowess as a suitable partner.
Aside from your brain-power, I would like to know if you have the suitable quintessential qualities I require.
Please do not be mistaken, I consider you an amiable fellow
However this would not be of great comfort during the irrationality of a sleepless night.
I remain unconvinced.

Never before have I been aquainted with a gentleman so possessed of his own beauty
And so dedicated to personal grooming
Your attention to your appearance is concerning
And possibly bordering on obsessional.
I do believe you consider yourself a particularly good catch.
You believe yourself to be a fellow of distinction.

If we accept the proprosition that you have looks not dissimilar to those of a Hollywood actor
I still remain unconvinced at your suitability for a long term relationship
You may have unusually handsome features,
But do you possess the more delicate refined aspects of a gentleman?
Do not be misled, I find you a man of moderate charm
However my insomniacal fits of emotion will not be soothed by so little.
I remain unconvinced.

You are of the particular breed that pays close attention to his automobile.
One might say that it causes you to be unchivalrous.
You have a pseudo-sexual relationship with your vehicle;
I find that frankly laughable.
I do believe that you consider yourself the creme de la creme,
You believe yourself to be a man unparalleled.

It may indeed be useful to possess an automobile for transportation
But that fails to pique my interest
You have the means for travel, but can you stimulate my interest in a more refined manner?
Do not think me churlish, I believe you to be an acceptably decorous gentleman
But that will not be helpful when I require some sustaining thought to aid my rest

So I remain unconvinced
You believe yourself appealing, but do you have particular finesse required in a romantic relationship?
Please do not misjudge me, you are an amiable fellow
Yet this will not be my prevailing thought during a long dark night of the soul
I am unmoved by your appeals.

And if you believe yourself to be akin to a sex symbol of bygone days, I must tell you that I am most definitely not impressed.

Random word for today: saccharine

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