A Curious Girl: Volunteering - it's like work but without the financial responsibility

Damn. Forgot to call Chris to tell her I didn't need picking up for Girls' Brigade because I was going to the Millennium Volunteers launch instead... Sorry!!

Anyway. Hmm, yesterday I attempted to go cold turkey on the internet (where did that bizarre expression come from??). Managed it except for checking e-mail. This morning I didn't do so well, but I'll break my habit yet! :-)

Had a miserable couple of days with period pains and headaches, in fact today I watched Discovery instead of revising Psychology. OK, so like that takes a lot of persuading!! But I thought that if I was going to be in pain in two places I really didn't want to be trying to concentrate on Milgram, Zimbardo, or those beloved halogens in chemistry, so I might as well watch some educational television. Ricci called part way through my Discovery programme (on ocean topography and plate tectonics, very interesting). I didn't recognise his number on caller ID, and when he started talking I briefly thought it was Stephen. Weird. (But I only had one syllable to go on...) So we had a chat for a bit. Not really sure why he called, but that's Ricci. :-) Someone who shall remain nameless was theorising that he had a crush on both me and someone else who shall remain nameless (sorry, I'm trying not to start anything). This is rather unlikely because he told the nameless girl he liked her and if he's brave enough to tell her, he's brave enough to tell me. I also don't believe he'd be sad enough to have two simultaneous crushes.

After the chat with Ricci, I got bored of ocean topography and decided to watch Science of the impossible, which, mainly when I was watching it, was about giving machines intelligence and emotions, to help us interact with them better. The narration seemed to imply that we should be afraid of this because they'd take over (a la Matrix, although probably without keeping humans alive for the sake of it. Probably just killing them and living off UV light and nuclear fusion.). I thought that the more sinister takeover would take place inside us. They wouldn't overpower us, they'd disempower us a la Asimov, we'd find ourselves in a world where we could not cope without smart fridges, cookers, bins, cars, internet shopping and so on! We'd find ourselves not able to even cook the simplest of meals, take the simplest of journeys, not because we were held back, but because we don't know how to do it for ourselves. Do you see what I mean? We don't just want Asimov's three laws of robotics. I'm perfectly happy with robots - there's no reason why they'd want to kill or take over us, we'd be the ones giving them 'life'. It'd be kind of funky, actually, having robotic helpers. But I'd rather know that I can do things for myself than find myself trusting technology more and more just because I can't be bothered.

And Tony Blair won the election again. Fine, fine, fine. It wasn't as exciting as last election, when everyone wanted to see if Major would be out, and everyone knew that we'd probably have a new prime minister and a new government. This year, it was just rather boring. We knew the Conservatives wouldn't win (talking to Abi on the phone she was absolutely ecstatic that they didn't). We knew that Labour probably would. And they did. And 1 year old Leo Blair apparently likes being kissed by politicians. Although as far as I know, he's only been kissed by one. Ole Tony's at an advantage that he has his own baby to kiss whenever he wants credibility :-)

Don't know what it is about Tony Blair. When he gets into speech mode, he's kind of irrestible. No, don't look at me like that :-). But he's so full of charisma, I had high hopes for him, and then he wasn't really anything special. He hasn't done a bad job, but it hasn't been superbly good either. And that's enough political banter for today. Vote Socialist!

And what else happened today? Well, after watching Science of the Impossible I walked down to Rochester to meet Abi. Spent most of the journey there making up new words to Affirmation because I don't know many of the words and I was reading Erin's diary and I got it in my head. I like the idea of filling a song with just lines about what you believe - it's good to look over them and it cheered me up lots :-) Can't remember many of my lyrics now, but never mind. I like Savage Garden :-). I also rewrote the words to Truly, Madly, Deeply, and it involved throwing people off mountains. No, I'm not violent, honest! (Apparently Eminem isn't either! He likes Pet Rescue!)

I got to Rochester and waiting on a bench for Abi I got swamped by French students. It was almost rude, the way they practically surrounded me and then acted like I wasn't there. Disturbing. So I moved on for a bit, and eventually met Abi, and we walked up to the castle gardens.

Do you get the feeling that I spend a lot of time there? 'Cause I do. Even saw some of the Sweaties I saw at the Dickens festival and the Sweeps festival. It's National Volunteer Week (or something) and even though I still haven't sorted out my new volunteer work, I went along to be part of Millennium Volunteers. We wandered round the stalls before the evening's launch. (Did you know that there's no such thing as a free launch?) Spoke for quite a while to the CND woman (Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament) and discovered some shocking things. For instance, did you know that the UK are holding nuclear weapons for the Americans? We aren't even the ones 'using' them! Has everyone forgotten about Hiroshima? Check out CND UK's website. It's disgusting that we still have nuclear weapons. And the apathy, and the US government's plans. (Nothing against the Americans here, you understand - I reckon we'd do the same if we were as powerful. But it's still disgusting!!!)

I also picked up leaflets for Medway Womens' Health Information & Support Service, several things from Amnesty International, a substantial information booklet from Headway, the brain injury association, the United Nations Association (I read the Bill of Human Rights and you'd be amazed, I'm telling you. You'd think it was only 'All human beings have the right to be human beings'. Nope. We've got a long way to go still), and finally Medway Detainees Support Group - Help for Asylum Seekers. Hold on, I've lost my Capstone Park leaflet. Typical! I'm annoyed about that - I thought I could volunteer for that. Anyway, I've managed to get myself thoroughly annoyed with the entire country.

After the stall owners went home, we got ready for the Launch (although I didn't do very much but join some of the other girls in inhaling helium. Squeaky voices! I love 'em!). This guy had all this make-up put on, he wore tights, a skirt and a boob tube (skimpy strapless top, for those of you thinking he wore a television :-) ) and ABI'S GREEN WIG!!! Yay!! He looked fantastic. The drama he was in was brilliant too. There was music in between certificate giving and speeches. Most of it was pretty cool. Abi forgot to turn her mic on and got lots of cheering when she realised. A typical Abi moment! After some slightly insincere sounding speeches, we were allowed to eat. I spent most of the time taking trays around and pressurizing people into taking food. Actually, I was pretty good at it. The trick is to be really polite and really pushy at the same time. And to laugh at anything the people perceive as funny. And to joke - that worked quite well, although I think I scared some people... When there were only two mints sticks and one biscuit left, I told a man that he'd have to have one or else he might never get the opportunity again. And also tried telling people that the last biscuit was lonely and needed company. Someone ate it in the end. But never carry crisps - there are always too many so you'll never get everyone to eat them all.

Had a good time and then came home. The end :-)

I'm really annoyed about losing that Capstone leaflet. Maybe God has something else planned :-) Still, I'll have a pray about it, and if it feels right, I'll phone Capstone. It's such a lovely place and it'd be great to make it more beautiful for everyone. But maybe I should look into some other stuff first. Then I can make a decision and start volunteering again!! I love volunteering. It's like a job except everyone thinks you're wonderful for doing it. And you don't have the financial responsibility :-) (Ooh, excessive smileys today) Although maybe that's a bad thing, but I'd rather not be burdened by more rubbish produced from shopping sprees than I've already got. I'd like a job that gives me as much cash as my pocket money. That makes about two hours a week. No, I really ought to pray about whether to get a job or not. Maybe I'm mad but I don't want to get a job that would make me feel like part of just the common process of life and capitalism. I can't quite explain it - maybe a good way of putting it would be to day that in principle I'd rather be a bus driver than the editor of some glossy magazine, because if I was driving buses I would be part way to making public transport better, but if I edited a magazine what people just buy for the fashion advice, I'd feel I wasn't making anything better. I know I'd have every day to serve my colleagues etc., but in a way, that's not enough. I want service to be part of my entire life.

"Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant." Matthew 20:26

Nice to know that idiots can get things right :-) I'm glad God has given me this passion. Sorry I haven't talk about him much lately! I keep remembering what Kirsty said on the Monday of The Noise, about how she felt she'd lost her passion, and she asked God for a new passion. If I see her again, I must thank her for saying that - it really inspired me. I now always pray for a new passion - like I was on the Noise, but better! Much better! Oh I'm feeling fantastic all of a sudden. I feel like singing. Get the cotten wool ready for your ears :-) I'm having trouble getting this whole thing sorted out, but "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phillippians 4:13 - I'm going to give you all one memory verse if it's the last thing I do!! :-) ). I must keep reminding myself that this is his plan and it can't go wrong. Maybe I'll get involved with one of the other things I picked up leaflets for today. Maybe something else entirely. But I'm hopeful.

One last note - I read something phenomenal in Got2b4him247's diary. She said that she always called God Daddy and pictured herself in his lap to help her feel close. I've only called one person Daddy sincerely in my life (I do it to Clive to annoy him. It works :-) ) and that wasn't even my own father. And that man let me down, he was engaged to my mother and broke it off. It hurt us both so much - Mum more, obviously, but I felt a bit humiliated that I'd put all that trust and love into a man who wouldn't give it back. It's amazing that I have the privilege to call God 'Daddy' like Jesus did in Aramaic. And he's not going to abandon me and throw away my love.

I realised, as I annoyed Christina on the train to Margate with the news that 'My mum's ex could be driving this train' (he lived near Margate and was a train driver) that I no longer hold things against him. Probably because we're so happy now, cause my heavenly Dad gave me an earthly father and my mother a husband, so we're content and much better off in so many ways. But could I have forgiven the ex I called 'Daddy' otherwise? It's quite haunting. I know that he probably did what was best - although admittedly much too late. I guess it's understandable.

Oh, and I reread an old story of mine yesterday, that I wrote when I was thirteen. It's full of surprises, mainly because it's more contrived than a homework excuse :-)

It's taken me two hours to write this entry.

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