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Weirdness
Sunday, Aug. 11, 2002 - 22:07

Days until A-level results: 4

Oh my, I'm getting nervous. I was chatting with Tricia (James's mum) about it this morning, and eek am I nervous now. I still want to know, though.

Days until Soul Survivor: 6

Yay! :D We're getting a minibus there with the 'Pip 'n' Jim's' people.

In the days before my driving test, I remember chatting to Carolyn about playing the piano. She can play competently, from what I can gather, and I was going to explain that I'm not so good.

But I didn't. I was going to tell her that I get nervous with an audience, that I panic if I make mistakes, that I can be overly hesitant.

However I didn't because that's exactly the problem with my driving.

My faith is not so great at the moment. And as well as that, I find myself thinking horrible thoughts, being proud and selfish. I wonder if I'm just fake, just who I am because I know from experience that I can make people like me that way. I don't think that's entirely true, but I feel really mixed up. Funny how 'him below' (I just like calling the Devil that :) ) has that way of preying on our insecurities... If I think bad thoughts about someone, I end up wondering if the only reason I like anyone is because they help my carefully-nurtured pride. It freaks me, and I'm not that selfish, am I?

Am I making any sense? This has been rolling around in my head lately. I don't think it can be true, I do care about people... but I'm doubting myself. *sigh*

Random word for today:

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