A Curious Girl: The big 'What-If-I-Fail' think...

Hello peeples...

Well today, for the first time since Year 11, I cried in a Chemistry lesson. Note - I also did in Year 11. I actually cry quite easily, as you can probably guess. So in Year 11, I had an E in Chemistry coursework and was doing the improvement investigation, only to have Mr. E tell me stuff I'd written was unnecessary, when Clive had told me to write it. Hmm. Actually, I'd been crying a lot over the E anyway, and the general discussion avec parents that happened after it, similar in fact to what happened after the B and the D in my exams I'd been predicted A and B for. I get the occasional feeling that they think they'll dive in and save the day because I can't cope on my own. I know they care, but sometimes they care too much! But enough of that. The reason I cried today was, oddly enough, due to chemistry coursework. I don't know how it'll turn out - I can probably still get a B with the 18/30 I have in my investigation now, but my experiment was at a dead end, with two results. This is not so bad when you consider that it does satisfy one of my hypotheses, but still not tremendously great.

After getting my safety specs wet, and some advice from Dr. C, I did get another result which might be handy, and hopefully I can knock together a more than reasonable investigation out of it. I still had the big A-level/future think because of it. The big What-If-I-Fail think... And I'm much less frightened than I was. I still don't want to fail with a passion. I'll still cry if I do miss the grades I need for uni. But I had a chat with Steve yesterday about how we can still get somewhere without uni (although I suspect both Clive and Mum will be disappointed if their youngest/only child respectively doesn't get into uni), and I can still do the volunteering/gap year thing I found, even if it's just for something to do and a time to get direction. And most importantly, I know that God has a plan for me - that is just so reassuring! I know that he already knows my grades and had prepared a way for me to go, whatever they are.

The pips have just gone, it's the end of school, so I'll write more on this topic later :)

Random word for today:

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