A Curious Girl: And what would I do?

OK, I've been avoiding this for a bit, because I don't go for the religious hypocrite thing and I felt really cheerful after the WWJD entry... but... I'm finding the whole What Would Jesus Do thing hard. I don't know what to do with my writing - thinking possibly Christian based fiction. Because I've noticed that fiction can be very powerful at making 'a point' - considering it was Heidi that helped lead me to God, and frankly I am a bit pants at informative writing. Plus, I enjoy writing fiction more :)

School is difficult - it's so easy to slip into just 'riding the wave' instead of actually caring about people. Until this year practically, I've never been much of a group person. Now I spend a lot of my time with the Year 12s, and I am reminded why I was never much of a group person. It's much easier to be real in smaller numbers - with large groups we tend to have a rather upbeat vibe which everyone has to tune to. It's fun joking around and laughing with friends, but it's also very easy to escape the things that matter.

And it's so easy to become complacent, apathetic... to just let life fly by and be content enough with my own little world. But I can't be quite content... I want to see God move in my school but how can I when I won't - and often don't know how to - do what Jesus would have done in my place. I should pray more - worship more. Keep close to God, but the trouble is, when I know I've spent the evening surfing or dossing or basically just putting off all the stuff I know I should be doing, it's a little embarrassing to go to God and say, 'You rule my life'. It's a circle - I know I am forgiven. But when I keep wandering off, I wonder if anything will ever change. Of course, it will - God has power for that. I'm angry at myself - annoyed that I don't keep dedicated. And wondering how on earth I should do God's work when everything seems so constant - unchangeable - at school.

Had a driving lesson today with Carolyn (Phil's wife! I switched after getting the job). I like her a lot, we chat and ended up telling each other blonde jokes today. On my last roundabout, she told me I'd have perfect timing and I mucked it up... I said, 'Did you like that perfect timing?' and she said, 'It'd be a lot easier to say if I didn't like you.'

Oh yes, and yesterday Mark (in James' and Duck's class) compared me to Susan Ivanova. Looks, not personality. Well... that's two. Keith spotted it first. Not sure I see it myself, it must be the hair :-)

Random word for today:

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